feuervogel | Entries tagged with work

I joined a gym last week because I want to be better at skating and skate faster and be stronger in general. Also I missed lifting heavy things. The gym I joined is inconveniently located, at least the closest-by branch, because the only way to get there is train or bus to Ostkreuz and walk from there. So I have to walk for a total of 15 or so minutes and ride the train for approximately 2. (The bus takes longer, of course, and it's always late.)

But the membership includes personal training sessions, so I had my first one yesterday and got a set of circuit training to do for the next month or so, when I'll have another session to see how I'm doing and get a new plan. So that's pretty neat. Because of work, I can only make it about twice a week, maybe 3 times if I drop the sport rehab class that doesn't really seem to be doing a whole lot for me. There are classes, but they don't really work with my schedule.

It's a women-only gym, so I was a bit nervous about it being transphobic, but when I went to the open house on Women's Day, I saw people who didn't fit neatly into cis-normative boxes, so I felt comfortable giving them my money. (I don't want to give money to transphobes.) No creepy gym bros is definitely a plus.

My copyediting gig is giving me more hours, so I'm more than breaking even, which is how I can afford a gym membership. But I would also enjoy getting a novel to copyedit so the German government is happy with me and I'm not pseudo-self-employed (scheinselbstständig). When I get this fucking kickstarter book finished, I can think about badgering people to pay me to proofread & copyedit their books.

I've begun to feel a bit unmoored from, idk, life, in a way that I recognize is from a lack of general structure. When I was in grad school, I had classes, teaching, homework, grading, and other parts of my life to keep track of and make sure I had time for and keep generally organized. When I had a job, I had a place to be from 8:30-5 five days a week, and then I had friends and stuff to do things with.

Now, with the only structure to my day or week being what I impose on it, I don't know what's going on, and if asked what I did any given day, the answer is, "uhhh..." Everything feels vague, and I don't like that. So I want to start writing things down (like I said in my previous post).

I've been managing my planning with a regular spiral notebook that I write daily tasks on, but Leuchtturm has a BOGO promo on their planners and calendars right now, so I ordered a daily calendar (with hourly slots) in A5 and a weekly calendar in A6. I'm hoping to use the weekly one to do menu planning and keep track of what food I have, because twice a week I have to get groceries, and I hate figuring out what to cook. I'm getting 2 of each because of the promo, so I've offered the extras to roller derby people. I ordered them today, so I won't have them until the middle of next week.

Thus far in 2024, I have written another 800 or so words in my nonfiction book (which somehow has almost 30000 words in it, but I don't understand how that's possible), started 3 microfiction stories for an anthology call that opens the 15th, done a lot of laundry, and played a lot of video games. I've decided which of the 3 pieces I want to work on to make submittable; one of the rejected ones might go to my newsletter subscribers for fun.

I also signed a contract for a part-time freelance copyediting job that I got via a writing friend, and the money I earn from that will cover my rent and insurance, at least, so that will stop the massive drain on my savings. Will it be enough to get my visa renewed in November? I sure hope so. I also hope, once I finish my book, that people buy it off Amazon or wherever, and I get income from that occasionally.

Strange Horticulture was a fun puzzle game, and I've played it 3 or 4 times already. After the first run, once you know the answers to the puzzles, it goes a lot faster. I want to get all the endings (there are 8, I think), and I only have 1 achievement left on steam. You play as the proprietor of a plant shop who collects new and unusual plants. Your neighbors come in and ask for particular plants for various reasons (mostly relating to medicine, but also magic). There's a monster on the loose, and you have to stop it. (Or you don't stop it, if you want to get those endings.)

Bear and Breakfast is like Stardew Valley but more stressful in some ways and less stressful in others. It also has a lot more story/background than SV: there was some sort of authoritarian government? and there was a big fire in the valley, and people stopped visiting. You play as a young bear, Hank, and you befriend other woodland creatures who help you out. A raccoon operates the decoration store, and you pay them with "valuables" (trash); a beaver renovates the derelict cabins that you rebuild into your hotels.

More stress: you're not just managing your farm; you have 5 resorts to manage and match guests to rooms that meet their requirements (which include hygiene, food, and heat). You can get staff (eventually) to manage these things for you, but they cost money per day, and it's sometimes more than you earn from your properties. Less stress: there's no combat. All your crafting items are gatherable in the world, so you don't have to go fight vampires in the mines to get your minerals to craft with.

It's been quite a year, I suppose. I kickstarted a book; I spent a weekend in Reykjavik with my sister; I went to 4th St Fantasy and saw friends. I officiated like 40 roller derby games this year, most of which were after July 1. I was out of town more weekends than I was home. I think for 2024, I'll limit myself to 2 away games a month and not just apply for ALL THE GAMES!!! because I can. (I enjoy doing it, but I need to not burn out about it.)

The big news is that I got a JOB that starts in the new year. It's 10 hours a week copyediting for a website, and it doesn't pay a lot, but it should be enough for me to cover my monthly expenses except food, which is much better than living entirely on my savings, which I've been doing since I moved here.

(I'm paying 550 a month in rent, 9 for mobile phone, 25 for dental supplemental insurance, 10 for roller derby dues, 10 for apple TV, probably 100-150 for health insurance (I'll find out in about a month what my new rate is going to be with my increased income), 60 or so for a storage unit, 49 for public transit, plus groceries, misc whatever, and cat supplies.)

(I have to keep the storage unit because the basement storage isn't secure and was broken into recently and my two good suitcases were stolen, so I have to replace them, ugh.)

What would be awesome is if, once I finish my kickstarted book and get it into the world, people buy it and I earn money from that, and I get my current novel polished up and one of the small e-book focused publishers picks it up and it sells, and I get additional income from that. (I'll KS the novel if I have to, but my god that was a pain in the ass. Plus apparently we're supposed to offer tchotchkes and super collector's edition hardbacks with full color dust jackets and sprayed edges and ... yeah, fuck all that noise.)

I want to try to write every day, maybe starting today, since it's the turning of the year, because I've been feeling adrift, I guess. Keeping track of things would help. I can take 20 minutes a day most days.

When I got an email gauging my interest in working on this project that said "up to 20 hours a week," I thought, "cool, I can work around that." I got a new file to annotate today, and the instruction was to turn it in "as early as possible," with about 14 hours of work. They said to let them know if we needed more time, so I told them that the initial email said 20 hours; I've already put in 10 this week (in 2 days); Monday at the earliest.

I'm a chronic over-explainer. It's that thing you do when you start explaining why you can't make it to X or won't work more than they said you would. It's really hard for me *not* to add things like "I figured 3 hours a day or so, and I could work on my other annotation project which is more fun for an hour or so a day, and I can still do things like write."

I have to keep reminding myself that people don't need explanations. I don't have to justify myself, my right to a life and work/life balance, etc. It's hard, though.

It stems from anxiety, like all of my bad habits. (Well, maybe not all, but a damn lot. Overplanning, getting places way early, all that kind of thing.) At least with Prozac, I can keep the "you fucked up, remember that time when you were 8? let's relive that now" away. I still have those moments of "oh, boy, I fucked that up," but only a normal amount, I guess? Not replaying things over and over while I'm trying to sleep.

Anyway. Time to finish the book that almost kept me up way past my bedtime.

Current Mood: busy

This month went surprisingly fast! Hard to believe it's almost the election. Speaking of which, I've read a lot of commentary with terrifying and doomsday scenarios about what will happen depending on the outcome, and, while I hope it doesn't come to any of them, I hope I'm prepared enough. I've got a supply of my meds on hand, and there's no shortage of food in this house (though it's not all vegetarian).

Am I ready to haul into DC and join protests? The question on that is, am I brave enough?

I spent 5 hours on my contract work today, and I'll probably need another 4 tomorrow to finish the file I'm working on. Which they told me this morning they wanted today. Hahaha lolno, this is part time, my friends. It's also surprisingly mentally exhausting. So anyway, I asked them to tell me *when they assign the file* when they expect it to be done, because I didn't work over the weekend and generally don't plan to (at least not on this contract work). I haven't seen (that I can remember) that they have a general X-hour turnaround expectation, so ...

I also need to get myself moving faster in the morning so I actually *have* a morning to do work in.

Current Mood: bitchy

I have, right now, three "jobs": my tor.com column, my Patreon, and my fiction. I'm pretty much always doing something for one of those things. I've been reading books like candy, and over half of them are for my column. Sometimes I'm reading books for market research/comps. Sometimes, I just read for fun. I'm re-reading a lot of articles from the "linguistics articles" folder on my computer for my Patreon and taking notes on them so I have things I can reference relatively quickly or draw on as I write.

That's the down side of being a freelancer/writer/self-employed person: you're always working on something.

When I saw my mom on Sunday, she asked what I'm doing for work/money, because I'm not actually gainfully employed, of course. "Writing stuff for about $100 a month and hoping to sell this novel I wrote" isn't an answer, and "living off the money in my bank account" isn't, either, though both are true. (I am extremely fortunate not to have to pay rent, or at least rent commensurate with this general area, because I would be super fucked in metro DC. So my main expenses right now are food, hulu, and fitbit premium.) Fortunately, I was contacted for a freelance contract in transcription that's supposed to go until the end of the year, $16/hour up to 10 hrs/week. Not a *lot* of money, but it's better than zero money. And more than I'm spending on expenses of living, especially since I've finally got 90% of the furniture stuff I was looking for.

I have an idea for a nanowrimo project, but it still needs a lot of work before I can start. 23 days to plan, so here we go.

Current Mood: busy

Whoops.

Uh, let's see. I rewrote the fucking novel again, and it's off at beta readers'. One already got it back to me, but I'm not looking at comments until next month. I'm Not Dealing With It right now so I can do other things.

I'm about 3/4 of the way through the beginning conversation class. Some of my students are more comfortable with unknown words and global reading than others, so what I need to do is figure out how to convince them that knowing every single word isn't important, so they should look for keywords.

Another teacher suggested having them highlight all the things they do recognize, then looking up a limited number of unknown words, so they a) focus on how much they already know and b) don't get hung up on every single word.

It's about time to gauge interest in the next class, so we'll see if I have another class coming up. Though it'll get into summer and the travel season, and I'm going to have to miss half of June anyway... I don't know how that works here.

Convention planning continues apace. The Shatterdome has a full complement of artists for artists alley, but we're always looking for a few good panelists.

Uh, what else? There's a huge mess surrounding this year's Hugo awards, and I don't feel like writing about it here.

I'm still trying to make a #&%!^*%# sale of short fiction. I've gotten some helpful personal rejections (and some total forms), but apparently I'm not hitting the right editor at the right time. I'm thinking about making them into an ebook and selling them on amazon and ebooks.com and smashwords, either individually or as a collection. IDK.

My sister's baby is 2 months old. She thinks she looks like baby pictures of me. All I can tell is that it is a small human with a round, bald head. I am nervous about going home to visit, because there may be expectations of cooing and holding.

Current Mood: busy

Apparently the HS student who I was supposed to be teaching canceled, possibly permanently, while his mother shops around for a teacher. Never mind that they said they were looking for someone who would be able to teach him the next two years and wanted consistency. If I named the town they live in, any local would say, "Oh, of course." Well, private lesson 1 was interested in meeting twice a week, so we could do that instead.

I've finished reading the material for the second to last module in my certificate course. Since I'm traveling next weekend, I won't be starting the exam until after I get back, which gives me more time to make lesson plans for my classes that are actually meeting as well. I also am missing a DVD for the other module I need to do, and I hope it arrives soon.

I submitted a story to an anthology. I'm still waiting to hear back on a piece I sent to an editor last November. The slush reader said he's looking into it. (It's in the editor's inbox, somewhere. You have to ask him about it.) So I have three stories out right now.

If all works out, and I can get this nonfiction book read in time, I might try to get a reasonable first draft of ACARP together. (It still needs a title; I do not like naming things, I am bad at it; I don't understand how people name their cars and houses and stuffed animals and things.) I was planning to do that after I finish the certificate, so we'll see.

Also, convention planning continues apace.

Current Mood: busy

I got another rejection on a story. This makes 0 for 7, but the second personal rejection. With feedback that would really have been useful before I exhausted all the pro SF markets. *sigh*

I revised the castle story and sent it out to another anthology. I think it fits the criteria marvelously, but I have no idea what the editor will think.

I not only have a German 1 class starting in October, but I also have a private lesson starting Monday. And no textbook (it's on order and hasn't arrived yet).

I made an appointment with my GP tomorrow morning to talk about my knee grinding when I go down stairs and the persistent tingling. (Sciatica? Something else?) I don't know whether I need to go to an orthopedist or if going back to PT will help. The PT I saw was fairly dismissive of my statements that my right hip didn't move as well as my left. ("Your left hip is just really loose, and you're comparing the two." Yes, I do have loose joints, but that doesn't preclude my right hip from having a problem.) So IDK, if I get a dispensation from an orthopod, maybe the PT will listen. Or a different PT.

I don't want to give up running, because I like it. I don't have money to join a gym (and the Y is more expensive than the gym ffs, fucking Chapel Hill), and my elliptical makes a distressing metallic grinding sound when I use it. I'd take up swimming, but the gym is too expensive. Unless I want to drive 20+ minutes each way to use a pool. (Spoiler: I don't.)

Blargh.

Current Mood: blah

I'm the production manager at Bull Spec. Sam and I worked out a publication schedule for next year. Hopefully having regularly appearing issues will help get subscription numbers up.

I made an organizational chart. It is shiny. Also, he'll have to have an official masthead thing with lots of names on it.

Once Sam has a free minute to send me the contact info for the various editors and whatnot, I'll send them an email introducing myself and telling them what my job is. That's basically to be the contact person (not Sam) who gets regular updates on how things are progressing production-wise, and who finds people to fill in the gaps when someone's drowning in life and won't be able to make their deadline.

He has a checklist of things to do and people to email and ask various things.

Here's to a smooth year three!

(No, I'm not getting paid. Maybe someday.)

Current Mood: cheerful

So, the last time I posted about anything life-ish, I mentioned wanting to take a class in project management at the community college. About 2 days later, a friend of a friend who was also at the brewery's taproom eating pizza & ice cream ... is a project manager.

While I don't believe in supernatural powers and Signs From God, or whatever, I tend to think that serendipity is pretty helpful.

So I emailed her, picked her brain a bit, and since I've got this health care background, that could help me get into some other aspects of project management than hers, which is something to do with coding.

The class starts after Labor Day and goes into December. It's 2.5 hours. I have no idea if there's homework. (Er, I should buy the textbook... Amazon tends to have slow shipping around this time of year.)

Yay?

I keep applying for jobs, and nothing comes of them. Frustrating. Though if my colleague/former sort-of-coworker at Duke doesn't find an RN for their currently open research position, she said she'd let me know and they could expand it to a pharmacist position. That should be soon; she said the end of this month. I'd still have to apply, of course, but this time I could put a Duke employee's name on the application and get them to look at it for more than a second.

If that doesn't pan out, I flipped through the Durham Tech course catalog for fall. There's a 3-month course in project management for $124 plus fees & textbook, and it qualifies you to take this exam. The thing I worry about is whether all the business speak will make me want to stab somebody. I poked the internet to see what sort of jobs are available, and there are some at the local drug research wossnames, as well as in IT and all that. So there's a possibility of adding a credential that would help me find work. (And the more advanced certification says it's internationally recognized.)

I don't know. I hate the idea of going back to school, and I don't want something that takes away from my writing time, but I'm so tired of worrying about money. :/

Current Mood: frustrated

I got my Kobo the day I posted about it. Apparently, the driver decided that "I put it in the mailbox" was the same as "I left it on the doorstep." I've read all of Pilgrim of the Sky (which I'm reviewing for Bull Spec) and half of

anthimeria's, which I'm betaing.

I've discovered that it doesn't handle rtfs terribly well, at least those that came from docs. It doesn't like to go into sleep mode from rtf, and it didn't save my place. So I imported it into Scrivener (which was a bit of an ordeal in itself) and converted it to epub, which it's having a fine time with.

I'm crocheting a cover for it out of some alpaca yarn I bought ages ago & has been sitting around since. It's taking forever (6 rows to an inch, needs to be 10"+).

I've gotten one beta's notes on Something There Is, but I said I wanted them back tomorrow, so that's OK. I'll spend Friday on revisions, then let it sit a few more days, reread and submit it.

I applied for two more jobs at the same place I applied before. I'm not allowed to apply for similar positions until May, which means the PVG stuff is out, even though there are currently 4 PVG openings. :P A friend wrote an essay on other things you can do with your PhD, and medical writing was in there. So I was like, hey, I have a medical degree, and I can write. I dug up my CV and found some other versions of my resume and updated it. So, applied. Considering I'm marginally qualified (at best) for either of them (one's a senior writer position, the other's in regulatory something), I don't even know if my resume will make it past the first round of screening. Wait and see. The one job's been posted since October, so maybe they're desperate by now.

I finished reading No god but God, and I plan to review it on my blog soon. Short version: interesting history of Islam with a broad explanation of what's going on currently in the Arab world and why. Recommended.

Current Mood: busy

It's that time of year when we make ourselves feel virtuous by saying we'll give up bad habits, or do a list of things. I'll break mine down by category.

Writing
- Finish revisions on Valkyrie One
- Prepare and send my VP application
- Completely revise Iron and Rust
- Outline next novel

Taiji
- Practice something every day
- Test for yellow sash (either end of 2011 or Metal Rabbit)

Fitness
- Keep going to Pilates at least once a week
- Add back the elliptical at least once a week

Life & home
- Fix the front yard
- Clean up the mess in front of my bookshelves
- Sell books & fancrap I don't need
- DECLUTTER
- Organize the sewing room (I'm scared to go in)
- Come up with a plan for moving to Berlin in 10-15 years
- Convince Ben this isn't a harebrained scheme
- Drink more Scotch

Work
- Get paid for something (there's not much on any temp/per diem/travel on any of the 3 agencies I know of that operate in NC. And I can't work outside NC, legally.)

I ought to sit down with paper and make detailed notes for how I want to accomplish some of these things (like yellow sash), because they're rather vague, and vague doesn't help me get shit done.

Current Mood: contemplative

I think I have a solid second draft. I'm going to read it tomorrow, possibly printed, possibly on my screen, not sure yet, then send it off to betas.

One of the first-rounders said she'd be able to. Anyone else?

In other news, I have work on Monday a bit west of Asheville, so I'm driving down Sunday evening and crashing with

tsubasa and after work Monday. (I'll be working 9-9, and I only get reimbursement for hotel for the number of days worked, even if it's a really bad idea for me to stay just one night because it's a 4-hour drive each way.)

Then I'm going to be staying with friends in Cary during NASFiC to save the 45-minute-each-way drive late at night (because I'll be wanting to hang, no doubt, and possibly drinking). So I'm going to be home, uh, Tuesday and Wednesday nights next week. (I won't be *far* ... I'll just not be *here*.)

I barely leave the house for *weeks*, then I'm barely home. Feast or famine...

So yesterday I made the trek to the place I worked all January and February, because K called and asked if I could cover one day. Since I like making money, and I'm going to be needing some for living expenses right quick, I said sure.

So I get in, and people are like "You're here! We missed you!" and W, the manager, said, "everyone here is a big fan of you."

I'm damn good at my job, and I'm likeable and easy to get along with. (Yes, peanut gallery, I see you snickering. Hush.) I'm efficient and competent. I checked 680 orders in about 2.5 hours, before I went to lunch, and we did about 1600 all day.

They still don't have a permanent replacement. Apparently the guy they wanted got his existing deal sweetened, so he stayed there. So they're interviewing. Still. I don't regret saying I couldn't keep up the schedule because it killed my writing time, and I wish them the best in finding someone.

Current Mood: loved

Today was my last day at my contract. In the two months I was there, I got to know a bunch of nice people, and that was cool.

One of them brought me a card she'd gotten everyone to sign - one of those "we'll miss you" cards, and I almost started crying, y'all. Then I went back to the narc cage to check some orders, and she gave me another card, a birthday card from her, the other gal who works in the cage, and another pharmacist, with a gift card in it. ;_;

This is why I didn't want to say "no" when the manager asked to extend the contract. If K hadn't been able to find someone to cover this week, I'd have gone in my usual 3 days (M, Th, F), because I couldn't leave them hanging like that.

Seriously, you guys, in the two months I was there, I felt more welcome than I did the entire YEAR I spent in Oregon.

Current Mood: loved

I got a flier in the mail today for a CME conference called Pain, Addiction, and the Law. Since I really enjoyed the pain management clinical I did, and if you start me on how they handle pain and opioid use on House, you'll wonder why the hell I bother watching the show if it just pisses me off, I thought, hey, this could be cool.

So I looked through the flier for the bit where they tell you how many hours of CE you get and what disciplines accredit the CE (medicine, nursing, pharmacy, etc). The registration allows all disciplines to register (and if you're not an MD or DO, you get a discount), but the accreditation section only lists MD/DO CME (7.75 hours.)

So I checked the website, where there wasn't any useful information, either. If I go to the women's health symposium (6.5 hours) and this, I'd be done my CE for the year, since I have like 6 hours carry-over from last year, and I only need 15. So now I'm waiting on a reply from the contact person; I don't expect I'll get it until tomorrow.

And with that, I'm going to sleep. I was up way too late last night. Ben's not home (he's in Charlotte at a TMBG concert), so I can do that. Neener neener.

How many of my last mood pics have been "sleepy"?

Current Mood: sleepy

So, I emailed K about my pay stubs (which were ... less than they should have been in some case, by like 15 minutes, but I got mileage, which I wasn't expecting. This is where I admit I hadn't looked at them since, uh, the end of January. Money goes into my bank account, it's all good.) and asked if she had anyone to cover next week.

I had a chance to check email on my phone (I love having internet on my phone like you wouldn't believe), and she'd written back, letting me know that she had every day covered except Thursday. I said I could do it, and here we are. She was worried that I hated it and was miserable there; far from it! I told her no, I like the work and the people, but I need time to get my novel edited and get ready for Germany, and if they need RPh vacation coverage and I'm available, let me know. (She knows I write; I explained that when I was hired.) So it's all good, huzzah.

This means I don't have to spend this weekend starting on house cleaning for the party, since I'll be home during the week (except Thursday). And that means I'm going to the 2-day san shou workshop. Unfortunately the first day, the long day, is in a crappy cement-floor building. But it's by Locopops and Phydeaux, and I guess I can get lunch at Whole Foods, though I'd rather not. It's kinda expensive. But I don't have anything to take with me, either. And going to the Mexican restaurant sounds like a bad idea. I'm sure people will figure something out. Last year I went home for dinner and took a nap, but it was much closer to home.

My life! I can have it back! Now I'm not overextended! Just sort of normally overbooked, I guess. I wouldn't be me if I weren't. That's where the J aspect comes in very handy.

Speaking of handy*, the SIM card I ordered for Europe arrived today. I can try to get AT&T to unlock my Razr tomorrow, since I'll be around the corner. And I missed delivery for a box of Turkish books and media from

jerakeen, but I'll send Ben to pick it up tomorrow morning (though it may be out for redelivery anyway.) AND my new Fluevogs have left LA, traveling via UPS ground. I don't think I'll have them by my birthday.

*It's the German word for cell phone.

OK, now I'm gonna play with my new SIM card. It's got some fancy US/UK stuff I need to figure out.

Current Mood: cheerful

and woken up incredibly stressed an hour before my alarm, which turned into lying in bed awake thinking about how to make the continuation of this contract sustainable (emotionally, physically), and being ready to kick my whiny cats across the room, I think I'm going to have to come up with a nice way to say, "Sorry, no."

I'm 30 pounds overweight. Standing for 8 hours puts a lot of strain on my knees (and ankles, apparently, because last night my ankle became extremely painful.) I'd like to work out, because that makes me less overweight and I enjoy it (I like being strong, and I want to be fit and muscular), but I don't want to tire my legs out before standing all fucking day. And when I get home from standing all fucking day, I don't want to get on my elliptical for 45 minutes, right after dinner and right before bed.

I don't have time to take care of myself psychologically. I know most of my friends are I types, so you probably don't get this, but I need interaction with people to stay sane. It's a huge part of why I was so miserable -- to the point of seeing a shrink and going on meds -- in Oregon. When I get home, I need to interact with Ben, see how my friends in the internet are doing, and triage my email. On a day I work, I have NO TIME to write.

Which is another huge problem! I need to get this writing done. And I need to read a non-fiction book before I can get edits done on a huge section of the novel (those pertaining to ~~Iran~~Alpha Centauri 7.)

Also, and those of you who've been here for a while are familiar with this, I Plan Things. If I don't have something I can plan (a party, vacation, costuming, writing...) I get kinda antsy. (Hello, Judging personality archetype. Fancy meeting you here.) I have a party in 11 days and a rather large vacation in 2 months. I haven't had time to sit down and make a list of what I need to take with me, what I need to buy, make a timeline of when I need to get things done by, and all that shit.

I'm slowly going mad.

Yet here's the major problem: I can't disappoint people. I have a huge disappointment squick. I'm also not the type of person who can leave someone in the lurch. (Which is part of the reason I had such angst about quitting my job last year, aside from the income problem.) They need me, because they haven't got their full time person yet. I see it as a duty, of sorts, to cover this job until they get someone. (Why yes, I *am* ESTJ, one of whose ideal careers is the military.)

But it's costing me dearly. Possibly too dearly. I can feel myself slipping into places I'd rather not be.

But the sense of duty and unwillingness to disappoint are doing their part to keep me from saying no.

Current Mood: distressed

Today, I checked 1450 prescriptions, and I stayed until 7:45 -- 45 minutes beyond my normal leaving time! My ankle started hurting suddenly, and my knees are swollen. I blame the incoming low pressure system. OK, also standing for 8.75 hours.

I also got a call from my agenty person, K, who says that W, the manager guy, wants to keep me even longer, on a 2-week-ly basis. WHAT THE FUCK. I thought they had a guy starting this month! Now he wants to keep me into April?

I can't keep doing this! I need to edit my novel, and I have a ton of party prep I'd planned on having next week available for. I also have a short story to write. Oh yeah, and NINE

springkink prompts to write, starting the 16th. and maybe also spend some time with the boy I'm not-dating. Or whatever.

Irony: The money I'll make in these additional two - four weeks will cover tuition and room & board for Viable Paradise, but if I don't have some time off, there's no fucking way I'll be able to get my application materials together.

So I have to call K back tomorrow, and I'll need to work something out. Maybe fewer hours again. The 1-7 worked out fairly well, if frustrating at times. (though Mondays I'd go in earlier; Mondays are nucking futs.)

I'm going to go collapse now. In theory, I want to get up and work out tomorrow. I feel lazy.

Current Mood: tired

Apparently it's not up tomorrow, but next Friday.

Plus side: I get paid for another 24 hours of work.
Minus side: I have to spend 33 hours to do this (1.5 hrs drive each day, plus 9 hours at job (1 hr lunch) = approx 11 hrs/day for 8 hrs pay.)

I WANT TO EDIT MY FUCKING NOVEL GODDAMMITALLTOHELL.

Also, hello? Spring? Any time now, please.

So, yesterday, I went in to work at 10. Because labels had just been printed, there wasn't anything for me to check, so I took a couple totes for cycle fill (automatic refill of orders for homes) and scanned them through. A tote holds in the neighborhood of 100 cards, depending on the size. So before I even started the daily fills, I'd scanned about 150-175 orders through.

From 11 am until about 5 pm, it was NONSTOP. Except during lunch, of course. I went from 12:15-1:15, ate my bagel, and crocheted some more, glad for the sitting.

Total daily orders scanned yesterday: 1075. And there were still a few dozen left at 7, when I went home.

Times I nearly flipped my shit: 1. (Several homes pick up at 3 pm. At 2 pm, a bunch of labels were printed for them. At 2:45, they were still somewhere on the floor, and none of the filling techs knew where they were. They were located by 3:15 and sent out.)

I poured myself a nice strong drink when I got home. (Jonah's Apology Julep, about two fingers over ice. I need to get his recipe, because I'm running low. It's whiskey with mint and syrup; I can't figure whether the syrup or the whiskey is infused, or what the ratios are. I've come to realize I like the taste of whiskey, actually.)

So glad I'm off today.

Plans for today:
-pay bills (done before breakfast!)
-pay my 2010 car registration
-mail my sister's check
-outline a short story
-COUP

Nice and relaxing!

Hey, the sun is finally starting to come out! Maybe it'll warm up as promised. *huddles under blanket*

Current Mood: busy

So one of my friends linked to this here career test based on color choices. I have to say, I think it's pretty accurate, though I have no idea what algorithm they use to get these results. I'd be interested to see any elaboration thereof, actually.

( my results )

- I want to make an author website, but my design skills are non-existent. I have a couple 'shops of what I'm looking for, and my hosting renews in 24 days (so I'll buy my domain then, but I don't expect it would go live for a bit.) I know

tammylee is a leet web design maven, but she's also wikkid busy. I'm looking to spend under $100, if possible. (A wordpress template? With php so I can update it easily myself. I just want something that is clean, professional, and expandable later.) I use dreamhost, if that makes any difference. Anybody have recommendations? Or want to volunteer? [I figure, not knowing much about it, that it should be a couple hours' work. No flash, nothing fancy. If I'm underestimating, let me know.]

- Starting next week, I'll be working MThF, and a pharmacist from Fayetteville will be covering TW. I look forward to getting my writing on. I hope they hire somebody by May, because I'm going to Europe dammit.

- Forecastfox keeps showing me frozen precipitation. I wish it would go away; I live in the south, damn it.

- I hear there's some big football game this weekend. We're likely to have the game on while we do other stuff (like read, though I might get my crochet on) and watch the ads. I hear there's a Last Airbender preview spot. While I'm boycotting the film, I'm curious to see if the rumors of completely changing the characterization are true. Also to see how bad the martial arts are and how shopped they look.

- I may skip COUP tonight, depending on a) the weather and b) how I'm feeling when I get out of work. Ben forgot to get a memory card on his way out, though, so he can't bring me the cartoons. The soonest I could get there would be 7:45 anyway. But next week - no work! I should make sure I have a burrito in the freezer...

- I need to feed my car before I go to work today, which means I should get off the computer and eat lunch so I can get out a bit early. To wear raincoat, ski jacket, or Swiss army greatcoat? A and B have hoods; C is really warm. Decisions, decisions.

- Also, I want to get those Fluevogs. An early birthday present, and because it's been a really rough week.

- It would be easier to get this posted if my computer didn't freeze every time forecastfox reloaded.

Current Mood: cold

607 words, in a day spent doing other things (like getting groceries, cleaning the bathroom, dealing with email I haven't responded to since the beginning of the month, and fooling around on facebook.)

Which brings my total up to 47544 words and puts me firmly into the ho-shi-politics part. Which means I need to spend some time sketching that shit out. For all the time I spend in political stuff, you'd think that'd be right up my alley. Apparently it's hard! Who knew??

I'm apparently working this week. I'm glad I looked at my calendar! Though I'm listed as 10-7 every day, which ... isn't what I asked for. I emailed my 'agent' and asked what was up. We're working on the 3-day compromise thing.

Having bad luck with the Isis-ear-poking thing today. We only have like 3 readings. :P

So, apparently, the place I'm working has requested me to come back for the next month. Except corporate won't let them pay my mileage anymore, and I'm driving 400 miles a week, which is a tank and a half of gas. A week. I can still track it and write it off on my 2010 taxes, but ... the Coop needs an alignment, rotation & balance. Damn sport suspension goes out of whack with the slightest pothole. Drives real good, though.

The thing is, we're gonna need the money, but I've been looking forward to getting my writing time back as of Monday. So I called my agent (not sure what else to call her) and talked about it some, with the oncology appointment Monday and all. She said she'd be in touch with the manager there, and I said I'd talk to him when I get in today. Perhaps we can reach a compromise, say 3 days a week (Monday, Wed/Thu, Friday), since Monday is the worst day (800+! Ugh!), and Friday is kind of heavy too. Wednesday is the lightest, so they may prefer Thursday. Especially since I only work till 5 Wednesday because of tai chi.

I won't be able to get in until 2-ish Monday, since I'll be in Raleigh until 12:30-ish, and there's not really a good route from south Raleigh to Oxford. 40 to 15-501 to 85 is the most direct, at 47 miles/53 minutes. Though lunchtime may increase drive time on 15-501, hopefully it won't be as bad as 5 pm. I hate 15-501.

Anyway. I ought to eat some food, since I'm managing to keep breakfast down, then go out in search of some firewood, since the Weave was out. Maybe Kroger or Home Depot? Damn North Carolinians flipping out at the prospect of ... well, 6-10 inches of snow, sleet, and freezing rain. Can't say I blame them too much, really. We've got half a dozen bagels in the pantry (soon to be 5), cream cheese, cheese, peanut butter, jelly, and some lunch meat (for Ben, not me), so if we can't cook, we can at least eat. There are 2 ice packs and an ice cream freezer in the freezer, so we have things to shove into a cooler in the event we need to. Thought the ice cream freezer can stay in the fridge to maintain its cold for a while, as long as we keep it shut.

Then I get to head into work, yay. Might go in early to make up for yesterday and the potential of an early dismissal due to snowpocalypse. (I really did feel ill most of yesterday. Took me half an hour to eat a bowl of bunny pasta, and it was cold when I finished. Ick. My bowl of cereal this morning was fine, though.)

Got my car inspected & had the oil changed. I just need to go to the DMV site and pay my registration fee to get my new stickers.

We got our plane tickets for our European adventures last night. I still need to get from Berlin to Vienna, but I can't do that through Delta, so I'll poke around on teh intarwebs a bit. Anybody have any experience with Air Berlin? I can get one-way to Vienna for about $100.

I submitted the registration form for the Institut last night. They'll send me information for the money transfer, probably Monday or Tuesday. Hidden in the registration form was a note that a security deposit is generally required when doing a homestay. DX That wasn't in the online info, and it's an unknown additional quantity of money I'll have to come up with (and I have no idea how quickly it's returned to me.)

Yeah, I decided to go with the homestay. Upon further reflection, living literally out of my suitcase for a month wasn't very appealing. Staying in a 4-er hostel means you don't get a dresser, just a locker, and, well... I didn't like that much. I just hope I get a room in a cool place that's fairly central. Kreuzberg would be nice, or Mitte, but Charlottenburg doesn't really appeal.

This whole working thing is really for the birds. I certainly appreciate the paycheck, and the people I'm working with are mostly nice, and the work itself isn't too bad... it's just cutting way too into my writing time.

help_haiti has collected over $50,000 as of yesterday evening, and if all the auction winners make their promised donations, they'll collect nearly $115,000. That's just awesome. Things like this make me proud to be a fan (even if I'm not In Fandom, and I don't even really *like* most media-fandom shows/movies.)

I need to figure out what to get for my winning donation! Argh.

And today we're going to see tigers at Carolina Tiger Rescue with my friend K from high school & a couple of her friends from UNCG. Tigers! At least today's going to be sunny, unlike the rest of the week.

I've been working in a long term care pharmacy about 45 minutes north of here. I like the closed-door nature of the facility: no customers/patients to deal with. I don't have to answer the phone or wrangle insurance. This place has separate people for each job; my job is taking filled orders (what they call prescriptions in hospital and LTC parlance) and verifying that the right quantity and drug are in the card. (They pack pills into unit-dose cards, per patient, with their names on them.) I also check the directions to see if they're logical. (I've only had one that made me go "bwuh?" so far.)

I probably verify on the order of 750-1000 orders in my 6-hour shift. Monday when I went in, I had four full baskets and a stack of cards about 4' long by 1' high (about 250 cards.) I got through about 3/4 of that mess before 2, when people started getting back from lunch and adding to my stacks. It was non-stop from 1 until about 5:30, when I had a 10-minute respite.

Yesterday wasn't nearly as bad. I only had 3 baskets to check, and I had a good bit of breathing time.

My agency person didn't mention that this place only pays $42/hr (yeah, I know, for relative values of "only") so she's doing some magic to get me closer to the $50 I got at the other place. I'm sure I've mentioned that the paycheck was a key motivator in my decision to become a pharmacist. (I think mechanisms of action of medications and pathophysiology are pretty cool, too. Especially infectious diseases.)

Today's my early day: 11-5 instead of 1-7, because I have tai chi tonight at 6. I'm thinking of getting in a hair early so I can leave a hair before 5, because I have to take 15-501, which is horrid for traffic at that time of day and I was later than I would have liked last week. (I pulled into the parking lot at 6:01, and I had to change into my sweats after I got there. But I was right behind Violet, so I didn't feel too bad.)

So I'm going to post this, check on Isis (who just squawked at me from the stairwell), put on some shoes, and get going.

Because my journal is turning into a series of boring how many words I wrote today posts, I'll add something else to this one.

Yesterday I went to a law & ethics update. I learned that if you're a patient in North Carolina and file a malpractice suit, unless you can get an expert witness (which is hard to do, apparently), you'll lose. Even if it's something incredibly fucking obvious, like the surgeon operated on the wrong damn knee. The court threw out the case because they couldn't get an expert witness. Seriously, WTF.

I renewed my license, so I'll be able to work, legally, next year. Even if I have to *shudder* get a real job somewhere, since this per diem thing isn't working so well.

---
Today's word count: 1803
Total word count: 32680

Today I went back in time a bit, after getting stuck in the tactics of this stupid space station battle. What I need is some visual/artistic talent so I can draw the layout of the station from a ground-level perspective. I dl'ed google SketchUp, though my skills are kinda ass.

Seriously, not being a visual person makes working out things like, oh, what a station looks like, what people look like, how a particular building looks, whatever, incredibly fucking difficult.

I have an email pending to my military buddy, about how to make this stupid battle scene work.

---
I read a couple Georgette Heyer novels recently. It's amazing how many things she got away with that you're told never to do -- the synonyms for "said," (including everyone's favorite, "ejaculated"), switching POV without a marker, giving people's life histories in the middle of a chapter as infodump. I like them; they're fun and silly, but they're not good examples for modeling my own writing.

So I finally started reading Consider Phlebas, which Phil gave me for my birthday. (My birthday is in March.) I'm not very far in; with Ben busy Assassinating (Assassin's Creed 2 is just as bizarre as the first game) and me writing all day, I'm finding that I don't have much time to read. (I still haven't finished All the Shah's Men. I've only got 2 or 3 chapters to go, I think.)

I can get through the current chapter in CP before Ben gets home if I get off the computer now.

Current Mood: busy

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