Why the little things matter.

[feuervogel]

Once upon a discussion with my libertarian now-ex-boyfriend, he told me that I shouldn't get so upset over "the little things," like "that's so lame" or the eleventy-millionth depiction of bisexual women as slutty, indecisive, or outright evil, because ... I don't know, I guess because sharia exists, or something. The Real Problems, as defined by a white, middle-class, straight, cis man, because bisexual women don't get to define our own problems, I guess.

sohotrightnow has this excellent post on why little things matter.

Do not ever forget that it started small, that the Holocaust was merely the logical conclusion of the gradual devaluing and dehumanizing of large swaths of people -- some people claim that focusing on microaggressions and trying to end them is reductio ad absurdum; I'd go in a different direction and call the Holocaust an increscio ad absurdum: a completely logical series of steps from one degree of devaluing and dehumanizing to the next, on up to the most horrifying and completely logical conclusion. But don't forget either that there were a lot of people, along the way, who did fight, who didn't simply accept the tiny little ways their society had told them, day in and day out, for their entire lives, that certain lives were worth less than others, that certain people were less human than others. Don't use the latter fact to write off the former, because if more people had spoken up from the beginning, if more people had examined their assumptions and their language and the casual everyday ways they devalued and dehumanized the undesirable, maybe the more dramatic actions of the Righteous wouldn't have been necessary. But don't let the former cause you to lose hope, to think that there is nothing you can possibly do in the face of widely-held, systemically-enforced, popularly-approved and -perpetuated injustice. And by God, don't let it be an excuse to do nothing, to ignore the microaggressions because there are "real" problems, "real" injustices: because -- I know I am saying this over and over again, but seriously -- if more people had stopped and examined the small injustices they were committing or simply ignoring from the beginning, there may not have been a need for a few people to give up their lives trying to stop huge injustices.

And as far as the casual throwing around of "lame" as a derogatory term, who does it hurt to make the effort not to use words others find offensive? Ask yourself, if someone said "that's so gay," would it piss you off? Would it add to the hundreds of papercuts of society-wide injustice perpetrated against the LGBT* community? If yes, then STOP USING LAME as a replacement for gay in that sense.

Comments

[feuervogel]

There are some habitual repeat offenders, who've defended a variety of jerk behavior over the years, when I've specifically said "don't do X, it's offensive because [link]." They've defended it with bingo-card statements and shown little interest in educating themselves by reading the convenient links I've provided and considering that the writing of the marginalized person at the link is valid, and that the writer's offense is important enough for them to stop X.

So, when I've said "stop X, it's offensive/hurtful." I get a handful of "you're overreacting/it doesn't really mean that/meanings change" derails. Which I then have to spend my time rebutting and attempting to teach them remedial social justice. It's exhausting, especially when I'm talking to a brick wall.

If someone wants to be part of the solution -- which was the point of the original post: how to make the tiny changes that can help people, through awareness and listening when people say "that's hurtful, please stop," which could lead to breaking down the systematic marginalization and dehumanization of women/POC/the disabled/LBGT*/immigrants/non-Christians -- they will show a desire to learn, to change their habits. Someone well-intentioned, or someone who'd say, "huh, I never thought of it like that before," is very different than someone who's fighting to defend the status quo (and their privilege). The former can follow a link and be enlightened; no amount of linkage will help the latter.

Disabled people say "lame" hurts them. That's enough for me to stop throwing it around as an insult. If only it were enough for other people to do the same.