feuervogel | Why the little things matter.

Once upon a discussion with my libertarian now-ex-boyfriend, he told me that I shouldn't get so upset over "the little things," like "that's so lame" or the eleventy-millionth depiction of bisexual women as slutty, indecisive, or outright evil, because ... I don't know, I guess because sharia exists, or something. The Real Problems, as defined by a white, middle-class, straight, cis man, because bisexual women don't get to define our own problems, I guess.

sohotrightnow has this excellent post on why little things matter.

Do not ever forget that it started small, that the Holocaust was merely the logical conclusion of the gradual devaluing and dehumanizing of large swaths of people -- some people claim that focusing on microaggressions and trying to end them is reductio ad absurdum; I'd go in a different direction and call the Holocaust an increscio ad absurdum: a completely logical series of steps from one degree of devaluing and dehumanizing to the next, on up to the most horrifying and completely logical conclusion. But don't forget either that there were a lot of people, along the way, who did fight, who didn't simply accept the tiny little ways their society had told them, day in and day out, for their entire lives, that certain lives were worth less than others, that certain people were less human than others. Don't use the latter fact to write off the former, because if more people had spoken up from the beginning, if more people had examined their assumptions and their language and the casual everyday ways they devalued and dehumanized the undesirable, maybe the more dramatic actions of the Righteous wouldn't have been necessary. But don't let the former cause you to lose hope, to think that there is nothing you can possibly do in the face of widely-held, systemically-enforced, popularly-approved and -perpetuated injustice. And by God, don't let it be an excuse to do nothing, to ignore the microaggressions because there are "real" problems, "real" injustices: because -- I know I am saying this over and over again, but seriously -- if more people had stopped and examined the small injustices they were committing or simply ignoring from the beginning, there may not have been a need for a few people to give up their lives trying to stop huge injustices.

And as far as the casual throwing around of "lame" as a derogatory term, who does it hurt to make the effort not to use words others find offensive? Ask yourself, if someone said "that's so gay," would it piss you off? Would it add to the hundreds of papercuts of society-wide injustice perpetrated against the LGBT* community? If yes, then STOP USING LAME as a replacement for gay in that sense.

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Yes, this!

It was such a great post I think everyone should read and think about.

You should ask him whether expressions like "Hey, don't try to Jew me" in reference to not paying up, or the description of jury-rigged engineering as "nigger-rigging" are "little things" that one shouldn't get mad about.

Have you ever read about Raoul Wallenberg?

The problem I see isn't that the little things don't matter. The problem I see is that angry people make lousy ambassadors.

It may be that anger serves to communicate a viewpoint or an idea to people who are less angry, who can then play the ambassador role. I hope that's true -- the things that make me so eye-twitchingly mad that I can't imagine being diplomatic about them, are themselves the things that actually matter in my view. I'd like to imagine that my more moderate friends take my perspective and convey it to others in conversations where I'm not present, or at least think about the ideas when they're at the polls. But I think it's more likely that instead they tune out my bile and look for a way to change the subject.

I don't normally use any of the words on that list except for occasionally lame and crazy/insane. I also add "stupid" and "idiot" to the list and don't let my kids use them. I encourage my children to use different phrasings when they want to say something or someone is not to their liking. My son has a friend who calls everything stupid, but he's not allowed to in our house.

I'm trying to figure out what alternate phrasings I could use that are non-offensive for those times when I want to say that something or someone is crazy or insane. I'll have to think more about it, but if you have any suggestions I'm interested.

Lame I use so rarely that I could probably find a way around it. It's used so seldom in my experience to apply to people with disabilities that I'd almost forgotten it could also have that meaning. At the ranch it's got a specific meaning with respect to horses, but I'd never apply that to people and it never dawned on me that the horses may get offended. I could imagine myself using it in the context of "My son's lame attempt at humor failed to cheer me up." I could probably just drop the word and the meaning of my thoughts would still be evident.

Personally, I'd add "fuck" to the list of offensive words. To me it connotes a violent act of sex, tantamount to rape, and I'd prefer people not to use it so regularly and casually.

--Beth

Apropos of very little: I don't get why it's so hard to just say something was "fucking stupid."

... So of course I post this and someone has posted something really intelligent that ends with a comment about not wanting people to so casually use "fuck" or "stupid."

Edited Date: 2011-02-01 08:16 pm (UTC)

Am I missing something, I always assumed "lame" was being used in the following definition:

Weak and ineffectual; unsatisfactory: a lame attempt to apologize; lame excuses for not arriving on time.

Have you seen this blog? http://microaggressions.tumblr.com That's what this post reminds me of.

It's like my beef with this (http://www.npr.org/2011/01/29/133311028/Extra-Extra) Wait Wait game. You might say it's a small thing, but it doesn't mean I felt any less insulted.

Just tossin' in my two... "Lame" and "crazy/insane" are valid to use. Unlike the other derogatory terms listed, they can describe anything; not just people.

I can say "That was a lame argument," and apply it literally and without reference to any minority group or as a euphemism for an actual derogatory word.

I have a deaf friend who loathes the word 'dumb' when used in the context "blind, deaf, and dumb" (i.e., non-verbal), but I've seen him use it himself in the sense of "unintelligent."

It's a very fine line.