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Not much happened today, and there are a few sections of this scene I want to revisit tomorrow. Here's a sample.
The vid screen in the launch lounge flickered on, and the donut on a stick of Centauri Seven filled the screen. It looked normal enough, with solar collectors above and below the ring. There was no traffic moving near the station, except for one ship.
Breitmann tapped his fingers on his thigh. “That’s an Atlantic-class personnel carrier cum battle cruiser. I thought they were all decommissioned five years ago.”
“That shows how high on the Martians’ priority list this job is,” Schneider said.
It also gave them a better idea of how many Martians were likely to be on the station. Even if the Sons kept the exact specifications a trade secret, other companies could estimate based on their own ships’ capacities. Atlantics were estimated to carry about a hundred men and their equipment.
As they approached the ring, the pilot shifted the camera to the lower solar panels. They were fried.
“That’s not natural damage,” Atesh said. “It looks like they were burned with wide lasers.”
The pilot zoomed in on the station itself as the docking grapples clanged against the hull. Hedgehog artillery bristled from both ring and hub, as if he were warning them to be careful.
Not much happened today, and there are a few sections of this scene I want to revisit tomorrow. Here's a sample.
The vid screen in the launch lounge flickered on, and the donut on a stick of Centauri Seven filled the screen. It looked normal enough, with solar collectors above and below the ring. There was no traffic moving near the station, except for one ship.
Breitmann tapped his fingers on his thigh. “That’s an Atlantic-class personnel carrier cum battle cruiser. I thought they were all decommissioned five years ago.”
“That shows how high on the Martians’ priority list this job is,” Schneider said.
It also gave them a better idea of how many Martians were likely to be on the station. Even if the Sons kept the exact specifications a trade secret, other companies could estimate based on their own ships’ capacities. Atlantics were estimated to carry about a hundred men and their equipment.
As they approached the ring, the pilot shifted the camera to the lower solar panels. They were fried.
“That’s not natural damage,” Atesh said. “It looks like they were burned with wide lasers.”
The pilot zoomed in on the station itself as the docking grapples clanged against the hull. Hedgehog artillery bristled from both ring and hub, as if he were warning them to be careful.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-07 11:27 pm (UTC)From:“That shows how high on the Martians’ priority list this job is,” Schneider said.
doesn't actually tell me anything, though I can see that it's supposed to. I have no idea what a decommissioned Atlantic-class
personnel carried cum battle cruiser is, or what it might mean for their situation, so unless it's explained somewhere that isn't quoted here, the line that should explain things just leaves me confused.
I can derive from context that this means this job is either very high or very low on the Martian's priority list, but I can't tell which and it probably matters.
Hope that helps and isn't annoying or totally refuted by something in the text not quoted here!
(PS: I love "donut on a stick" as a description.)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-07 11:46 pm (UTC)From:I could have Breitmann ship-otaku a little more (he's been doing that throughout the rest of the story), but I don't know if that's too much/annoying/Mr Exposition. (I established early on that he's kind of nuts about ships. He built models and everything when he was in high school.)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-08 03:31 am (UTC)From:That way you're being more specific than "it" and also making sure your reader gets it without have to resort to Breitmann expositing more.