feuervogel: (writing)
352 words on a new scene. It needs a good bit of work, and I'm not sure I like the thing revealed in the snippet I'm posting. Blackwell needs to be a threat; this is off the top of my head.

“Another thing. The man in charge of security is named Blackwell. It sounds familiar, but I can’t place it.”

Hikaru recognized it too well. “Miss Grünewald, could you please find Mr. Winter for me?”

Metin hid his surprise quickly. After Grünewald left, he said, “I take it you know of him.”

“He’s ex-Hessian. He was kicked out for taking bribes. My uncle caught him and Grandfather signed the paperwork.”


Your thoughts? Blackwell is the mercenary commander on the other side. This makes him more likely to deduce certain things about our covert friends. The alternative I've come up with is that he and Hikaru's uncle or grandfather had some sort of combatish interaction with him, or had heard he's a particularly heartless bastard (though I kind of have that with a different bad guy, and I don't want to be repetitive.)

Date: 2011-02-22 01:48 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] thesmallwonder.livejournal.com
I don't know exactly how you need to use Blackwell, but maybe you need something more drastic then "bribes" to make him threatening? Or if you like the bribe angle, have a snippet about him getting violent when it was reported? It just feels like it should be something scarier then, "Dudes slipped him a few twenties!"

Couple of ideas:
War Crimes? (That's drastic tho, dunno if you want to go that scary)
Racist and kicked out for it?
Merciless/enjoyed killing?

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