Writing post of the day

[feuervogel]

352 words on a new scene. It needs a good bit of work, and I'm not sure I like the thing revealed in the snippet I'm posting. Blackwell needs to be a threat; this is off the top of my head.

“Another thing. The man in charge of security is named Blackwell. It sounds familiar, but I can’t place it.”

Hikaru recognized it too well. “Miss Grünewald, could you please find Mr. Winter for me?”

Metin hid his surprise quickly. After Grünewald left, he said, “I take it you know of him.”

“He’s ex-Hessian. He was kicked out for taking bribes. My uncle caught him and Grandfather signed the paperwork.”

Your thoughts? Blackwell is the mercenary commander on the other side. This makes him more likely to deduce certain things about our covert friends. The alternative I've come up with is that he and Hikaru's uncle or grandfather had some sort of combatish interaction with him, or had heard he's a particularly heartless bastard (though I kind of have that with a different bad guy, and I don't want to be repetitive.)

Comments

[anthimeria]

I think it's a good thought--Blackwell definitely needs to be more of a threatening presence in the book--and him being an ex-Hessian for taking bribes sets up the relative morals (inasmuch as a mercenary group can have morals) of each merc company fairly neatly. That said, the dialogue there seems a little stilted, and there might be a better way to reveal the information than to have Hikaru state it straightforwardly (for a first reveal to the reader, anyway. She can certainly state it later for the character's benefit!).

I am quite glad Blackwell is getting more attention, he was just a vague mysterious "there's something scary there" in the draft I read.

[feuervogel]

I hadn't figured out what to do with him in the first draft :) I think I only decided he needed to be an antagonist around the time I introduced him, then wrote myself a note that said, "hey, do something with this guy."