Question on clarity for you.

[feuervogel]

My writing group thinks I should spell it out, but I think it's not that subtle. What do you think? Is it obvious enough, or do I need to spell it out that he's doing fucking math in his head?

The other leader shouted, “Naturally you choose your men to go first! Although we’ve waited here nigh on three hundred years.”

I stared at them. I wanted to back away, turn and run out the door. The thought of these ghosts fighting each other around me was terrifying. If they thought I could help them, dead though they were, would their weapons have an effect on me?

The Hussar held out his hands in a placating gesture. “I merely offer my man as a test. If this surgeon’s skills cannot aid us, do you want to sacrifice one of your honorable infantrymen?”

The other man, who I slowly realized had fought and died in the Thirty Years’ War, nearly three hundred years ago, considered the statement. “If your man has the will to take that chance, Commander Henriks, I will not object. If it proves a success, the men of my regiment will follow.”
I tried revising to add more explicitness, but I think it detracts from the flow and feel of the story.

Comments

didn't get the math in the head thing

[warmfuzzyfreudianslippers.com]

I just didn't see it. FWIW (realizing I don't know the full context of this scene), I don't know if trying to make that particular point would add anything. That is, it read just fine to me without knowing anyone was trying to do math in his head.

Re: didn't get the math in the head thing

[feuervogel]

My writers group keeps asking "HOW DID HE REALIZE???" and doesn't understand how he realized slowly that the three hundred years the first commander said they'd been waiting there meant they'd been waiting since the Thirty Years' War, which the MC says was 300 years ago.