Life-related musings

[feuervogel]

As in, what the fuck am I doing with my life? And this icon is rather appropriate (and damn if the book it's from isn't appropriate, too).

Monday I'm going to the NC Association of Pharmacists annual meeting, in part to get CE (which carries over into next year), but mainly because I want to talk to the exhibitors and see if any of them are hiring. I can also find out more about the various committees, two of which sound interesting to me.

I joked to myself a few weeks ago that if I didn't get anywhere after the meeting, I'd consider going back to school.

I read a letter to the editor from one of the professors at UNC's department of city and regional planning in support of the transit referendum, so I looked at their website. It sounds really interesting, but what kind of jobs can I do with that? I don't know. (There's also a dual degree program with SPH in the health behaviors department, which is also relevant to my interests.) I love cities, I love public transit, I love smart growth; I'm not interested in relocating anywhere within the US to get a job doing that. (Which is kind of my main problem I guess.)

If I wanted to follow my interests, I'd go study history, but in order to get into the history graduate program, you have to have a background in history, which I don't. I'd want to study 20th century European (specifically German) history, though I don't know if I'd want to focus on WW1 or the Cold War. But to do that, I need (probably) to have studied modern European history. You have to write an analytical essay in your application :P

And there's no way in god's greenest hell I'm doing another bachelor's degree.

So, I'm 36 years old, highly educated, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Comments

[georginasand]

I realize that you don't know me from Adam because I was added to your dwircle years ago and basically only lurk, but can I just say, as a nearly 23 year-old who really has no idea what to do with her life: this post is incredibly comforting to me.

I mean, I feel bad, because I see your dilemna, and goodness gracious does it sound stressful. But the fact that you exists, 36 years old, interested in totally diverse and awesome things, and are still asking those questions about your life makes you totally a hero in my world. Because it feels like all my friends are settling down around me, locking in the trajectory of their lives and turning on the "find job, get married, buy house, raise children" auto-pilot. And as much as not having a clue what I want from my life scares me, I know I don't want that. So knowing that there are other (older and wiser) people still saying "what do I want?" "am I doing what I want" is so reassuring.

Thanks for being awesome.

Best,
Georgie

[feuervogel]

I used to know what I wanted to do with my life; then I realized I didn't really want that. (So I'm stuck in a huge house in suburbia, when I want to live in a city. At least I don't have kids, because I figured out early enough that kids are optional and something I don't want.)

One of my main problems is that I'm interested in EVERYTHING. I think X is cool so I read some books on it, then go on to new shiny Y and on and on. I keep coming back to two things: recent German history and infectious disease epidemiology, which there's not really a way to combine into a single thing. So because of my background training, the latter is more viable as a career path, while the former remains something I check stacks of books about from the library.

But I love cities and public transit and smart growth and urban infill. Jobs doing that pay way less than I'd make as a pharmacist, and, having grown up working poor, taking a lower wage job makes me squirmy. That's why I studied chemistry rather than straight up German (which was my double major) (also I don't like high school students, and the prospect of academia didn't thrill me).

So now I'm going, ooh, I could see about applying to a German PhD program. Shoot me.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Mass transit will save the world!

[andelku.livejournal.com]

OMG I might do that program!

[feuervogel]

Wait, UNC's MCRP?

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Well its apparently insanely expensive for an out of state student. And I'm still paying of the last masters degree, but it looks super cool and I could live with my parents and save a lot of money that way. Well if I didn't go stark raving mad.

But yeah, urban planning and transit and all that stuff about planning for climate change, that stuff rocks.

[feuervogel]

I wonder how long it would take to re-establish tuition residency. I got it after living here for like 6 months based on some hand-wavey stuff about wanting to apply to pharmacy school, and by the time I applied to pharmacy school and had to go through the rigamarole again, we'd bought a house.

I love transit planning and that sort of thing; I just have no idea how to be competitive enough to get in or what sort of job I can get in this area with that degree. Considering I can't get a job with my PharmD from UNC in this area :P

[andelku.livejournal.com]

It used to be 1 year, but then in-state tuition used to be like $500. Its a brave new world now.

In terms of the job market, I think if you are looking at a career for the next 20-30 years that this kind of expertise is only going to be increasingly in demand. The only reason it isn't now is that the hard right have been blocking urban policy on the theory that (not kidding) Cities are Bad. But they're imploding right now and, assuming Obama is reelected, urban planning is bound to be a growth industry in an era of Frankenstorms and a pressing need to lower carbon emissions.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Okay, this is All about Me, but a friend of mine who works with Occupy Chapel Hill pissed me off badly because I asked her about the mass transit funding that the Obama administration had allocated mass transit funding for the entire Triangle and the Tea Party had blocked its implementation and I thought, I know a spokesperson for Occupy Chapel Hill she's gotta know all about it and she gave me this song and dance about how Occupy Doesn't Do Representative Government and Mass Transit Isn't Important and I was like, okay, fine Occupy is Lame.

She's working on the fracking issue and that's important and all. But the only way to fix the environment is to curb unnecessary demands for power. Imagine the impact of a decent bus network that links the entire Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill-Carrboro area! And the Tea Party doesn't want it to happen because Mass Transit is Communist and Encourages Urbanism which probably is code for Black People Without Cars Will Come to my Neighborhood or something.

[feuervogel]

Oh, ugh, don't even get me started on Smug Carrboro Assholes. They don't want there to be parking spaces, but they also don't want to get more public transit, because if you don't live within walking or biking distance of Weaver/Greensboro, FUCK YOU, basically. Which is a different problem than George Will saying Amtrak is communism, but it's still a problem.

It's like, ugh, you don't want people to drive in your precious Paris of the Piedmont, but you don't want there to be buses or trains or things that would ACTUALLY reduce the need for driving. GAH.

And Carrborans tout themselves as all Progressive and Perfect. NIMBY douches, the lot of them.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know.

It's really maddening.

I haven't owned a car since 1996. I walk and take transit everywhere. This is not because I'm Super Virtuous Low Carbon Girl. This is because Chicago has INFRASTRUCTURE. Much of it was built in the 19th century and acts like it, but it functions, and when you add the hassles of parking, weather, and general traffic and nuttiness, its not that worthwhile to own a car.

But when you say to the Carrboro Hippies that what they need is urban planning they're like, Ew, you mean like a CITY? As if cities were the sin qua non of misery and despair.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

When really that honor goes to the McMansioned Exerubs, some of which are going back to the prairie because of the housing crash and the high gas prices and etc.

[feuervogel]

The problem is that what I want to do is write :/ But that doesn't pay the bills. I also really think recent European history is fascinating, but ugh another BS? No thanks. And I probably can't, like, transfer all my credits from my existing degree. Though if I remain unemployed, I could possibly re-enroll in continuing/adult education and take history classes, one or two a semester. (That's how I got the pre-reqs for pharmacy school that I never took in college.)

I also want to move to Berlin, where I'm really not sure how I'd get a job doing urban planning. (I'm also not sure how I'd get a job doing much of anything...there aren't jobs there.) Augh.

I guess I can email the DCRP people and see if someone who's just interested in learning about career opportunities and the program are welcome at the open house next month. Because I can't get my shit together fast enough to apply for admission next fall (Jan 15 deadline I think).

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Well this is Prague, not Berlin, but its only a five hour train ride away from Berlin.

http://www.aauni.edu/programs/masters-public-policy-aau

[andelku.livejournal.com]

And of course there is this:

http://www.urbanmanagement.tu-berlin.de/menue/master_course/

Its an international course so chances are good they have instruction in English.

While I know Anglo-American University in Prague has its instruction entirely in English.

[feuervogel]

AAU lists their courses, and they do sound interesting. $14,000, though...plus living expenses and travel and residence permits, vs $4850/semester at UNCx4=~19000, but no additional living expenses.

The TUB course requires a degree I don't have and experience in urban planning. (Figures; Germans are really picky about that sort of thing. They don't recognize the PharmD, not that my license would be valid anyway.)

Or I could see about studying modern European history at HU. I do speak German, after all. (ETA: hahaha, they require 2 foreign languages AND Latin. Hahahahahahaha. And that's for the bachelor's.)

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Well, but you will have all of your current living expenses, so UNC's living expenses doesn't equal zero. Residence permit is cheap. Flight runs around $1000, so that's expensive. I think you come out nearly even actually. Plus you will have no automobile expenses, none, zero.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Also rent and all is high but food is still quite cheap. They have price controls on bread and beer and farmers markets everywhere.

Did I mention I lived there for four years?

[feuervogel]

I'm already paying to live here, so I'm not counting that as an expense. (Because Ben likes his job*, may or may not be able to find one in Prague, and then there are the cats... and I'm not really keen on spending 2 years away from him & them :/ My 1-yr residency in Oregon was bad enough, though there were complicating circumstances (rain, unfriendly coworkers, etc).)

*And if he left, his company would be screwed, since he's the only programmer. Though if we move to Berlin, he'd have to quit; hopefully by then their company would have more money to hire a replacement. Maybe the bigger company they're contracting with will buy them/their patents, which would make for interesting changes. Berlin is more of a "I want to do this by 2020" type of thing.

Argh. IDK. I want to write, and I want that to pay, but it isn't, and I'm frustrated, and I haven't had work in 2.5 years, and I'm tired of not being able to buy things I want or travel. Though I *really like* not having full time job commitments and being able to meet my writers group in daytime.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Oh don't mind me. When anyone says, oh, I'd like to move to Europe I start jumping up and down and going well this is the cheapest airfare and this is how you'd get your residence permit. It's a reflex.

[feuervogel]

Heh. Airfare one way isn't too bad; it's the repeated coming home to visit part that gets expensive ;)

Though if Ben's company weren't so precarious (3 people!), we'd have a lot more flexibility. Though he *really likes* not having corporate bureaucratic stuff to deal with.