From the department of not being useful

[feuervogel]

Several months ago, I went to a friend's birthday party. A mutual friend has a girlfriend (I keep wanting to say "new," but they apparently passed the 1-year mark a while ago), and she just rubs me the wrong way. The first couple times I met her, which were at good-sized parties, I chalked it up to her being new here and not used to The Gang and trying to fit in but being a geek and socially awkward [we've all been there, amirite?], but then this conversation happened.

I forget how we got onto the topic. Possibly discussion of horror films was occurring in a neighboring conversation or in the context of a regular horror film festival at a local theater.

Me: I don't like horror films. They give me nightmares.
Her: I used to not like horror films, but then [boyfriend] started showing them to me, and now I kind of like them.
Me: Yeah, I don't think that would work. I don't like being scared, I have a really low gore tolerance, and I get nightmares and occasional DAY-mares from quasi-flashbacks.
Her: I used to think that, too, but now I can watch some horror movies. [elaborates a bit]
Me, mentally: You are completely missing the fucking point. Are you really that obtuse or just clueless?
Me, out loud: I'm glad you enjoy horror movies. I really don't.

Then I either changed the subject or found a different conversation to join in on. Or maybe decided my drink was empty and needed refreshing. Or had to pee. I don't recall, exactly.

So, not very useful. Why's it so hard for people to accept things that are personal preferences, like comedy over horror, happy endings over sad endings, writing style, colors, whatever?

I was reminded of this because I've made it to the novellas section in the Hugo packet, and at the top is Mira Grant's Countdown, which is a prequel to her Newsflesh trilogy, which is all about zombies. I don't like zombies. I don't like horror. I'm going to finish it because I want to know what happens (it's about how the zombie virus was released into the world, which is pretty cool from an infectious disease/epidemiology standpoint) and the writing is good. And I'm halfway through it already.

But last night I had weird dreams about mutant viruses and zombies.

I'll probably skip the Newsflesh novel that's in the packet. I'm sure it's good, but a) it's book 2 and b) ZOMBIES. So I'll probably only end up reading 3 of the 5 nominated books.

Comments

[kurai-seraphim.livejournal.com]

I think what you're missing is that she wasn't really trying to convince you that you should like horror movies so much as defending her own like of them. The social awkwardness of geeks often manifests as arguing flawed arguments because someone is trying to impress someone else or they're trying to defend themselves from a perceived attack (usually on their hobby, which by extension is on them).

It's the same reason people argue about things that don't really matter and stubbornly cling to a debate even if logic went out the window or Point A isn't necessary contrary to Opposing Point B.

In the long run it can be frustrating if you realize what the person is doing, as you can't really deconstruct it for them without further encouraging the defensive banter, so what I generally do is more or less what you did there. I'll point out what I can about the argument, then when it becomes clear we won't be getting anywhere I just disengage and either change the subject or give them some room. Most of them don't realize they're doing this and mean no harm by it, but it doesn't make them much less frustrating to be around.

[feuervogel]

Gah, see, idgaf that she likes horror movies. (I think she may have asked if I was going to Nevermore or something, so I said no, I don't like horror movies.) I don't much care for watching bad movies or weird shit, either, but a lot of people seem to enjoy it. Hell wouldn't be so popular if they didn't. There's plenty of room for differing tastes.

I don't remember if you were there, but she spent 4 rounds of conversation telling SP not to have eye surgery bc she could go blind and all these horror things and "make sure you have a good surgeon" and blah blah blah. After SP told her, "yes, I know; yes, I'm aware; yes, he did my mom's cataract surgery last year." Three times. (That was the first thing that rubbed me the wrong way about her. The pattern seemed to repeat at the other party.)

[warpig1979.livejournal.com]

In both cases what happens is Katrina is genuinely, in her way, Trying To Be Helpful. She assumes that her experience with horror pictures can be beneficial to you. (Mistakenly believing that, like her, you actually want to grow to like them.) And she assumes her experience with eye surgery can be beneficial to Sarah. (The latter situation is seasoned somewhat by the additonal quirk that, given the chance, she will yack about her and other people's medical problems until the audience starts to scream and thrash about.) She means entirely well. It's just that she's trying so hard to Be Helpful that she goes at it like a dachsund trying to dig a rat outta the ground.

Anyway. Luckily her myriad issues are merely a subject of minor academic interest in my life, now that she's no longer running up my water bill.

[feuervogel]

"Trying too hard" pretty much sums up her personality in toto.

She reminds me of my mom, in a bad way. Mom would always try to be whatever her current boyfriend wanted her to be, like all the things he liked, the whole nine yards.

While it's fun to have mutually-enjoyed hobbies, sometimes you just have to accept that your partner isn't going to be into something you are. At the same time, making the effort to at least try something your partner is interested in is good, but you don't have to keep doing it if you don't enjoy it.

That probably doesn't make sense -_-