The things I think when my brain hamsters

[feuervogel]

I grew up ... not poor, I guess, but definitely working class. My mom's a secretary, and my dad drives an 18-wheeler. (They divorced when I was about 9.)

This informs a lot of my insecurities and greatly affected my career path. Rather than study something I really enjoy (German language and literature), I took a rather more mercenary approach: there are jobs in chemistry, which pay decent money. Then after I went to grad school & learned that I suck at research-oriented things, I went into pharmacy.

This is definitely not to say that I don't enjoy pharmacy. Far from it, really. How drugs work in the body is pretty darn cool. I really don't like working in pharmacy, which is rather more problematic. (Interacting with the public? No. Working shifting hours in a hospital? Hell no. That sort of limits my job opportunities, there.)

But after I quit my job last year, I was much happier, even if I stress out over money frequently. Or at least when I haven't had a contract in months and could really use some income.

Where was I going with this? Hell. One problem with hamster-brain is that it goes in weird directions that don't always make sense.

In my quest to be financially stable and the like, I've become ... bourgeois.* I'm a fucking yuppie. I have a 4-bedroom house on 1/4 acre in suburbia. We have 2 cars in a 2-car garage. We shop at the co-op, and are owners. We buy locally-grown produce. We feed our cats the best cat food (made from actual meat).

But there's this part of my brain that worries that someone will figure out that I'm just a prole in bourgeois clothing.

*Technically speaking, petit bourgeois, since I don't own the means of production, just the knowledge inside my brain, which I use to generate income by contracting with those who own the means of production.

Comments

[quinfirefrorefiddle]

I have it on reliable authority that the creepiest part of this process is when you realize that either A) some of your oldest friends or B) your kids don't know any different.

But, yeah. My family tends to go the over-educated and under-paid route, which is a tradition I'm continuing. But my version of "under-paid" is going to be noticeably different, especially since I'm not continuing the other family tradition of "marry young and miserable to escape your parents". And my cousin's daughters are growing up in an entirely different atmosphere than I did, and my cousin, who's almost a decade older than me, had a very different experience than I did, financially. It's just... bizarre.

[feuervogel]

Oh, some of my friends are libertarians. (And not responding to the bait, which makes me kind of sad ;) I lace my post with Marxism, and they don't respond. What's up with that?)

I don't have a lot of old friends. I wasn't very good at making them when I was younger. But most of my friends also had divorced parents, to the point where I thought everyone's parents didn't live together. I'm still kind of surprised to meet people whose parents are still happily married.

Oddly, my maternal grandfather went to college, but none of his children did, and his forebears didn't; and on my dad's side, no one did, either. So it was gramps, then me, then my sister and two of my cousins. Three didn't, and one's still in high school. Of the ones who didn't, one is mentally retarded, another is an HVAC tech, and the third just joined the Marines. The latter two's parents (they're brothers) are a mechanic and a hair stylist, who make (easily) more than I do. Karl repairs Mercedes, and Lela runs a salon.

My distant German ancestors (grandpa's grandparents) were machinists of some sort back in Silesia. Possibly something to do with textiles, and the town they lived in was one of the sites of the Weaver's Revolts of 1844.

[amakarie.livejournal.com]

I took the other path; I did what I loved, English and writing, and now I can't find a job. I'm most likely going to have to go back to school and may even go into medical coding. I thought I was being pragmatic, but sometimes I feel like I was chasing a dream over making smart decisions about my career field.

I may be biased because of my situation, but I think you were very smart in not going into language or literature, just as it's so difficult to get a decent career in those fields. I'd take financial stability, because it usually leads to leisure. Because you worked hard and made the decision to be in pharmacy, you have choices now, and you have the ability to pursue those interests (writing, language) while still having the opportunity to return to work if need be.

I remember my writing professor say, when I asked him how he managed to write a book, that he lived out of his car for a year. As much as I enjoy writing, making that type of sacrifice for a craft is, for me, just too stressful (aka it scared the shit out of me). I think it's really great situation where you have that ability to express yourself through language and literature because of the rational decisions you made about your career.

[feuervogel]

That's what I worried about, making that decision. I don't like not having money, and there aren't a whole lot of job options for people with advanced degrees in German literature (aside from, oh, teaching at the university level. Because fuck high school.) And being a barista isn't exactly my calling, you know?

I also think that the Vie de la Artiste (or whatever, I don't speak French), la vie boheme, is vastly overrated. Authenticity doesn't mean heating your flat with wood in a fifty-gallon drum. I don't get the appeal. (Aside from being an us instead of a them. That I can dig.)

(Also, don't mind me; I'm just having a third-life crisis. (Quarter-life is too optimistic; mid-life is too pessimistic.))

[kirin]

Class distinctions were made for smashin', is my (admittedly over-simplistic) feeling on the last bit.

[feuervogel]

No, bb, capitalism is made for smashin'. ;)

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I feel guilty for having gone the English/comp/gender studies route and being okay. I'm by no means financially stable, although it is one of my goals (shakes fist at Discover and the credit union). I do more or less "own" (or at least it's in my name) my own car and computer, and I don't have to rely on credit cards to eat; on the contrary, I can afford to be a vegetarian with a pretty varied diet instead of peanut butter and ramen. And our heat and air works. This all makes me vurry happy. I don't know that will be the case when I move to do my doctorate, but they'd better damn well have good heating because GODDAMN Nebraska!

I could live out of my car. It is a nice car. It is very strange for me to own an SUV (got it from friends), but I probably could live out of it, if I had to. I lived in one house that was less comfortable than my car (slightly more room, but the locks on my car actually work, as does the heat).

It does worry me because I know that some departments are insanely competitive, and I am NOT insanely competitive. But I also know I couldn't stay sane in a job I don't enjoy to some degree. I just know that you have to find some way to exist in the world, and it isn't a bad decision to go the route of having stability.

[feuervogel]

You're going to Nebraska for sure, then? Cool :) Stay warm XD

Sometimes I wish stability weren't such a driving force in my decision-making process.

[steuard.livejournal.com]

Hey now: Nebraska's not that bad. :) Are you going to UNL? (My experience growing up in Lincoln was that people in Nebraska take their heating pretty seriously, so that's probably not a big worry...)

[kurai-seraphim.livejournal.com]

I got a degree in Communication because I'm legitimately interested in human interaction and feel that we could solve most of the world's problems if peopel would all shut the fuck up for five minutes and look at how stupid the things they say actually are.

That said, I ended up in a technical writing position because I happen to be able to write things clearly and concisely. I don't do so when posting online, as I get sick of being concise from work and rather enjoy rambling, but it's something I'm capable of doing when I want to.

Unfortunately for me, Communication is the evacuation major for people who fail at whatever their parents/coaches sent them to college for. It has a crapload of free credit hours and electives, so it's ideal for 3rd year conversion when your current major isn't working out. As such, it's a horribly bloated field full of people who know jack about anything, so I get the fun of having a degree that is generally frowned upon as lazy and get to compete with a much larger audience of people for jobs.

I got to blow my free credit hours pursuing my interest in Japan and Japanese Culture (double minors, woo!), but that hasn't exactly gotten me a job yet or done anything more than make me wish I'd taken Journalism courses instead. I've got a widely diverse skillset that unfortunately is also highly useless to include on a job resume and offers no practical experience should I be hired.

I don't know what I'm going to do for grad school when I get to that point, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be Communication. I'm kind of hoping giant robots will happen so I can hang out with bridge bunnies and survive 80% of all Gundam scenarios.

[feuervogel]

My boyfriend in college was a comm/business major (because at my school at the time, you couldn't be just a comm major; it had to be a secondary emphasis.) I took a couple comm classes (interpersonal and public speaking) and wondered how on earth people got degrees in that, and why anyone would couch everything they say in weasel words. Gah. (I might appreciate it better now than I did 15 years ago, however. Especially if there were a gendered communication course.)

You and smarriveurr should exchange notes on how to get a job with a diverse skillset.

(I got a degree in chemistry and German with a side-order of international studies.)

[kurai-seraphim.livejournal.com]

NCSU actually had an entire Gender Communication concentration in communication while I was an undergrad. I dunno if that's still available.

Most of what I studied in my concentration (Mass Media) involved how various media influence the way messages come across and how social groups are influenced by various approaches to internal communication. Obviously there's a lot more to it than this (as it was a four year program), but ultimately you get a crapton of interesting theory and studies with very little "and now you turn it into a job" stuff.

[tammylee.livejournal.com]

I feel you.
I constantly make decisions based on what is practical for my finances opposed to what I really want to do.

The trick is finding the balancing point where you can have both.

I have no desire to be a 'starving artist' because in my heart I have always been commercial.

[feuervogel]

But art made for commercial purposes is inauthentic, dontchaknow. pbbbbbbbbbbt on authenticity. It makes me think of pretentious hipster wankery.

I'm going to get the sql set up today! I'll email you when I figure it out.

[doctorskuld.livejournal.com]

But there's this part of my brain that worries that someone will figure out that I'm just a prole in bourgeois clothing.

Isn't that one of the wonderful things about education? The fact that it closes the class gap and is ideally accessible to everyone regardless of income.

I don't think you have to be self-conscious about anything, though I am amused by how yuppie/crunchy you guys are. :p Wanting financial stability is totally legit, and I'm glad that you and Ben are both able to pursue what you want to while not wanting for money. *thumbs up* You guys are doing great.

[feuervogel]

Ideally, yeah. Though I read somewhere aeons ago an interesting analysis that middle class people think education is a good way to move up, while lower class people think you just need money(?). I wish I could remember where.

I'm so yuppie, it makes me want to cry. At least I don't own an SUV and vote Republican.