Glückliche Erfindung

[feuervogel]

Saturday I went to the UNC library to get a borrower's card (which I got for free with my Durham Tech student ID woo), use the computers for some research, and check out some books.

I got Feridun Zaimoglu's short story collection "Zwölf Gramm Glück," then I couldn't remember the name of the person who wrote "Mutterzunge," so I looked that up: Emine Sevgi Özdamar. Back to the opposite end of the 8th floor stacks, not quite as far as Zaimoglu.

I follow the Library of Congress numbers down to the bottom shelf, find Özdamar. Shelved beside her was Selim Özdogan, so I picked up a couple of his books and decided to go with "Ein Glas Blut," which is a collection of short stories and poetry.

I started with Mother Tongues, because it's in English (UNC doesn't have a single copy in German). It's very Literary. I've ordered a copy in German, and it shipped today, so I should get it sometime soon. I don't need to return the books until 2/18 (and I *think* I can renew them, not sure). But I spent a good bit of the first few pages wanting to know what the language was like before it was translated, then it got weird. (Literary weird.)

So I started reading Ein Glas Blut, since they're all short, a page or three. Some of the poems are confusing for me, though I'm not sure if that's because there's some reference or context I'm missing. Some of them are just fine. I liked the one called "Drei Fragen," where he asks three questions. I read that out loud to Ben, translated mostly on the fly.

There's another one, traueratem, that's I think supposed to be/was originally spoken word, because there's one section that has this distinct defined rhythm and rhyme scheme that sounds very much like rap. I read it out loud to Ben, in German, and he agreed.

I like this a lot better than Mother Tongues, though I'll withhold judgment until I get that in German to compare. Sometimes translations can be really weird. (Or it could just be, you know, Lit'ry.)

Then I looked him up on Wikipedia, and it turns out he wrote a fantasy novel. (Or a regular novel that was nominated for a science fiction prize. Whichever. It sounds kind of magical realism-ish. If I can find a cheap copy here, maybe I'll buy it.

The library also has Heimstr 52, which sounds from its Amazon blurb like the sort of thing I'm looking for. (Also, there are lots of papers written on the metaphor of travel and transit in Turkish German literature.)

I should start with the Zaimoglu soon.

I just wish I read as fast in German as I do in English. Then again, I read *really fast* in English. If I'm actually paying attention, I read a lot slower.

Comments

[beth_leonard]

A friend of mine posted a link to this essay Dear Brilliant Students, Please consider not doing a PhD. and I thought of you. From your blog entries about your frustration with interpersonal politics, it feels like doing a true PhD program would not be a fit for you. I wonder if there's a way to do research and learn this stuff some other way than in the context of a PhD program.

--Beth

[feuervogel]

I was linked that essay in comments on dreamwidth, actually.

There are some fairly distinct differences between me and the imaginary 22-year-old student Liv is addressing. She's in a laboratory science field and in England, where the academic culture is very different than here (basically: you're on your own, with maybe a few hints from your PI). She's also addressing the people going straight from BA/BS to MA/MS/PhD programs because that's what you do. (my discussion there and the older students going back thread)

(And lab science is a lot more disheartening than figuring out themes of texts or learning Middle High German.)

Other than reading the existing journal articles, no, not really. There are cultural centers, but I don't know how to get connected to them, and I don't have any fancy training to say "hey I can do this" or people I met networking at conferences to introduce me to them. And there aren't articles on the thing I'm interested in.

I am aware that I have no tolerance for bs. I can navigate it; I still think it's stupid. I have experience being forced into the research project my advisor wanted me to do (hello, residency project). I think now that I'm older, I can be assertive enough to say, no I'm not really interested in your pet topic, let me do mine.

Part of Liv's point is that you (the PhD student) need to be assertive, among other things, so that your lab director doesn't steamroll you. She even agrees that having life experience to be able to say "no, this is crap, I'm not doing it" is helpful.

Thank you for your concern. I've put a lot of thought into this, and I think I'll be able to handle it (if they let me in).

[beth_leonard]

Yeah, it's always hard to tell over the internet how someone is really doing. I'm glad to hear you have already explored the issues and that going back as a more mature person still seems to be the right thing to you.
--Beth