Does intent matter?

[feuervogel]

If you say words that are known to be hurtful, be they the traditional slurs starting with n or c, among others, or words that people who are hurt by words like "lame" are telling you directly that they are hurtful words, your intent doesn't fucking matter.

You are willfully and directly causing harm because you refuse to understand their point of view and accept that your continued usage of those words is harmful.

That's an asshole thing to do.

Genderbitch has a post that's extremely on point: Intent! It's fucking magic!

Today, someone said a slur. It actually doesn’t matter what slur it was, because you see, he didn’t intend to hurt anyone and therefore it couldn’t possibly be a slur. Much like how intent magically protects the actions of all privileged fuckjobs, intent means that anything you say, no matter how many groups it hurts, what awful views it enables, no matter what systemic bigotries it props up through the usage of language that enforces social concepts that crush a marginalized group, it mystically negates all of that.

So if you out a trans woman? Your uncanny intent wraps around her and protects her from murder, harassment, degendering and objectification by the people you just outed her to! If you say something ableist, you’re not actually contributing to the system that demeans PWD because your intent will gird your words with alchemical shields, made of eldritch power themselves, that prevent the words from creating and furthering social associations between disability and being bad, wrong, broken or unwanted! I know? Isn’t it grand? I love magic!

Go read the rest.

Comments

[thady]

Yes! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Sadly it only happenes all too often.

[skogkatt.livejournal.com]

I'm quite because I agree and haven't much to add to this conversation. But I do agree.

[anacoluthon.livejournal.com]

Oh good, you found that post (or maybe already had it). The title alone is pretty great.

[intravenusann.livejournal.com]

That is my favorite post. I like to quote it when people say, "Well, I didn't mean to upset you" to me. Which is OFTENER THAN I WISH.

[corneredangel.livejournal.com]

You are willfully and directly causing harm because you refuse to understand their point of view

Reality check time?

To understand somebody else's point of view and to give a fuck about somebody else's point of view, I need to have good reasons *to* give a fuck.

Liking that person, respecting that person, or needing that person for something goes a long way. And if something else is finding something that I'm saying hurtful, that's mostly their problem and not really my problem.

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

I really don't understand why people get so defensive over these things, especially when there's no arguing the point of what they have meant or there's a clear takedown of the word linked handily so no effort is required, OR it's in a theoretical conversation about the matter and the person in question didn't actually say it in public conversation (thereby exposing their ass). I'm pretty sure if someone told me that there were ableist roots to the word jongleur and it was hurtful to them… I would find some way not to call people jongleurs.

"Lame" is not so singularly unique in meaning that I'm not willing to excise it from my language. "Crazy" and "insane" are harder, even when I fit that population and know I shouldn't use those terms pejoratively. That doesn't mean you shouldn't make the effort, when you mean evil! or intense!! or out of control!, not to find a word that means those things instead. Take it word by word and cut them out. Expand your vocab. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Not hateful things that harm other people.

That is a great article, but reading it is also depressing because clearly terrible shit can go down because of thoughtless wielding of language, and yet people argue that it's all meaningless. *bookmarks*

[fabula-umbrae.livejournal.com]

I'm curious. How do you react? Do you politely ask someone to not use certain terms because it hurts you or do you come at it from an aggressive angle?

Can you give me an example of what exactly you say/do?

*is trying to piece things together because something just doesn't seem to be lining up*