Am I being weird about this?

[feuervogel]

My sister is pregnant. I want to crochet her (baby) a blanket.

I emailed my mom to ask if that's something she'd like, and mom replies that I should email sis a picture of the pattern and let her decide if she wants it and pick a color.

Isn't that the opposite of a gift? I'd planned to go to the store and pick out a pattern from a book and some yarn, or get yarn that has a pattern on the label. I want to make something very neutral gendered: no pink or blue, no patterns (hearts or flowers). I saw a book of afghan crochet (the kind of crochet that's like single-hook knitting) baby blankets, and I liked one of the patterns in it.

Honestly, now I don't even want to bother.

Anyway, internets, am I wrong for being upset that I should let a gift be dictated?

Comments

[twistedchick]

Yes -- they're acting very controlling. Rather like some of my own relatives, who notably do not have baby blankets from me while some of my friends do. You don't have to accept or buy into what they want. This isn't about them. It's about you wanting to give something of yourself.

If you want to make a blanket, find a pattern you like and a color or colors you think will work, and let it be what you want it to be. And then give it to whoever you want to give it to.

[bossymarmalade]

I fall kind of in the middle on this: I don't think you need to pre-plan it entirely with your sister, but asking her what her favourite colours are and then choosing one might not be a bad idea! That way you don't need to tell her what you're making, and you can pick a pattern that you like, but you can be guaranteed that she'll at least like the colour.

I see what twistedchick is saying, that it's something you want to give them of yourself, but at the same time you want it to be something they'd enjoy and use! And if you know it's gonna be a big Thing asking what colour she'd prefer, it's also totally valid to not make anything either. Lord knows I've ended up doing that in some occasions where it was guaranteed to be a pain in the ass to involve the person, heh.

[yvi]

I knitted a baby blanket for my nephew, which took me a lot of time and I think they never used it... So maybe it would be worth it to ask if they'd appreciate having one? But I don't think you should ask whether your chosen color and pattern are okay. If they don't like it they don't have to use it.

[groovesinorbit]

Agreeing with twistedchick. While a lot of people think that way about gifts, I don't. I remember a poet once said something about how he always gave his own favorite flowers to people because he felt like it was giving a part of himself. Can't remember who said it, though.

And that seems controlling in its own right, but I don't think that was the intention.

[krait]

I disagree with letting sister dictate every aspect of it! That's a gift, but it's not the gift of a baby blanket; it's the gift of X hours of your knitting time, i.e. a custom order.

I do, however, think it would be a great idea to ask what her chosen nursery colours are. Nothing more specific than that! That way SHE doesn't know what you're making, and YOU don't have to be bound to a particular design. (If she's doing the nursery in a colour you can't match, you can easily pick a neutral that will blend in harmoniously, and she'll never know or be disappointed that you couldn't do the precise thing she was envisioning.)

[blimix.livejournal.com]

If it starts out with your offer to your sister, rather than a request from her, then it's a gift. Giving her some input about the pattern and the color doesn't make it less of a gift. (If your gift is to take someone out to dinner, letting them order their own meal doesn't negate its gift status.) She doesn't have to dictate it: You can first establish what sorts of patterns/colors you are and are not willing to work with, and ask for her input within those bounds.

Unfortunately, that precludes impulse shopping for yarn and patterns. If this ruins your enjoyment of making the blanket, then don't do it.

[tiercel]

If it had been your idea to give your sister input, then that would be fine. Having your mother basically turn it into a made-to-order blanket turns it into an obligation instead of a spontaneous gift, and that sucks. My feeling on making baby blankets has always been: "I made you a baby blanket. Here you go." They like it, great! They don't like it, they know where the Goodwill is, and somebody there will sure as heck like it. Either way it's not a waste.