We're losing her.

[feuervogel]

This morning, I noticed that Isis' pupils were different sizes, so I called the vet, and they worked her in. It's probably a brain tumor. The vet suggested humane euthanasia, because she has "days" left. I was there by myself, so I asked if we could wait. He gave her a steroid shot, and now I'm home. Ben's coming home soon.

She's had trouble eating the last few days, and she's wobblier than before, despite glucosamine supplements (which helped for a few days, but she got worse again). She can't see very well, she gets stuck in corners, and she misses the litter box a lot.

We won't be home from tomorrow morning until Sunday evening. Right now, she seems happy enough, talking some, walking around and stuff. I took her outside, and she found some grass and ate it. But she could have a seizure any time. I don't want her to die when I'm not around. I don't want to be callous and euthanize her before the con so she doesn't die alone. I don't know what to do.

I'm not ready for this.

Comments

[gryphynshadow.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to be callous and euthanize her before the con so she doesn't die alone."

That is not callous. You don't want her to die alone. She has days left, and at any point could have that seizure and then be gone. Knowing this, the only humane thing to do is to let her go in peace and love, in your arms.

I made a mistake once. I didn't take my cat to the vet, when I knew he had days left. I say it was a mistake, because to this day when I think of him I remember what his final moments were like, and I regret that I could have prevented that.

I know how hard this is, how much it sucks. You have my deepest sympathies, but I want you to know that it isn't callous, it isn't cruel. It's the very opposite of that. This is choosing to suffer in her place, so that she won't. It's offering up your own heart to be ravaged and destroyed in the name of ending the suffering of one whom you love.

Whatever you choose to do, I know you will move from a place of love for her, concern for her ultimate well being and compassion for her suffering.

~hugs~

[feuervogel]

We're taking her in this afternoon.