I'm home.

[feuervogel]

I have a cat on my lap, one in the loft above my head, and two on the floor of my room. Not sure where the last one is.

I didn't kill Ben's dad.

Ben sorted through a lot of things in the closet of his parents' house. They've lived in this 100-year-old, 5-bedroom, 3.5-bath house with attic and basement for 30 years, and as far as I can tell, no one's been forced to get rid of anything. (Apparently his mom forced his dad to get rid of his papers dating prior to 1990? And there are shelves in the basement that make Phil's look uncluttered. And stable.)

So, he found his stuff from his trip to Japan in college, including his pictures which are on SLIDES (who made SLIDES in 1997??), the Hanshin Tigers cheering bats, a really nice silk handkerchief, and a bunch of Super Famicom games that he forgot he even had. He also found his Transformers.

Into the garbage or to a yard-sale/sort later pile went tons of tchotchkes and trinkets and assorted small junk. Noisemakers, those tubes with the rolls of paper that unroll when you blow in them, finger traps, etc.

He's going to have to make some hard decisions if Operation: Move to Berlin happens.

I moved twice (that I remember; my first move was age 2) growing up. Once after 4th grade, into a house of similar size with a basement & large walk-up attic, then again after 10th grade, into a slightly smaller house (and a much smaller bedroom) with a crawlspace attic and no basement. We had to get rid of things. Yeah, mom kept the dolls and things Grandma brought back from her travels around the world, but if it wasn't something with immediate use or sentimental value, we pretty much got rid of it. Then when she moved from the last house I lived in out to WV to live with her husband, she had me go through what I still had there and either take it home with me or send it to Goodwill/the church yard sale.

I'd like to downsize & de-clutter my life. (I really need to just price out and list the mass of books I have to sell.) Ben's mom likes is obsessed with stocking stuffers. Sometimes they're useful: food, coasters, ornaments, whatever. And this year, they're sponsoring a snow leopard at the STL Zoo in my name, so I got a stuffed snow leopard & a certificate & stuff in my stocking. Sometimes it's things like bouncy balls that light up when you bounce them. The latter comprised a large portion of what Ben got rid of over the weekend.

But I don't want to ask his mom to stop doing something she likes doing (and is really excited about) in order to simplify my life. I feel guilty about getting rid of things people gave me, and I have the constant money-angst that someone who grew up working poor has: they spent their hard-earned money on this thing for me, I can't just throw it out/give it to Goodwill.

Shipping a lot of boxes of junk, along with furniture & such, overseas, and living in an apartment half the size of our house with essentially a big locker in the basement *if we're lucky* doesn't work well with "keep accumulating and accumulating and never get rid of anything."

Comments

[bossymarmalade]

I totally hear you. This year my sister and I weeded out the nice-but-unwanted things from our stockings and I brought them all in to work and left them out in a nice basket, with a sign telling people that it was "holiday excess" and to help themselves. It feels much better than throwing it out or Goodwilling, which we've *also* done in the past!

[feuervogel]

That's a good idea! I'm unfortunately unemployed at present, and Ben's office consists of 3 people. But it may be possible to regift some things anyway...

[ranyart]

But I don't want to ask his mom to stop doing something she likes doing (and is really excited about) in order to simplify my life.

I think this is tough. Right now my view on that is that even if I don't want/need something, I try to get excited about the spirit of the gift. And then I try to be pretty ruthless with stuff. picklish's parents LOVE to send us things we don't need, especially snacky food we don't eat. I used to bring all of that to work to share, although I guess that doesn't work now. But it's easier (ignoring the weird Family Awkwardness with their family for the moment) to say thanks and then turn around and do what I need to not to feel overwhelmed with stuff.

Everyone has the things they love to do. There's probably someone who secretly thinks "why the hell does Mo keep sending me candy???" around the holidays. I mean, I hope not, but I know it's possible. I show people I love them by making food for them, but I can understand the thought behind wanting to give someone *lots* of little gifts even if they're kind of silly/useless.

[feuervogel]

I remember the Giant Boxes O' Food! They were great for parties. I guess picklish can't even take the food into their office to share, because their office has a lot of awesome food already... what do you end up doing with it, anyway?

Homemade candy is awesome, though... and it doesn't take up shelf space once you've eaten it. I like getting candy in the mail ;)

[picklish]

The giant boxes o' food are not as overwhelming as they were a decade ago. We do still get Halloween and Easter candy boxes, but they usually go with ranyart to crafting events.

I am so with you, though. Food is so much better than things that don't come with "where am I going to keep this" or "how am I going to get rid of this" external costs. Sometimes it helps to think of it as if my gift to somebody who gives me these sorts of things is to try my best to accept them gracefully so that they can enjoy the giving, even if I don't actually enjoy the receiving.

Think of it like candy.

[beth_leonard]

If it helps, you can think of the trinkets from Ben's mom as non-fattening forms of candy -- meant to be enjoyed for a short period of time, then eliminated. It's just as if she spent $12 on the ingredients for a cheesecake or a nice bottle of beer. Play with the stuff for a short period of amusing time, then toss or give to goodwill as appropriate. You don't keep the bottles from your beer for decades just because someone spent money buying the beer for you, right? Enjoy the beer, recycle the bottle. Enjoy the bauble, then give away the bauble. I doubt she expects you to keep the ball for a lifetime, but she does expect you to bounce it once or twice in the dark on the night she gave it to you and smile.

P.S. Looks like LJ had some kind of malware inserted into some of it's pages including yours, so I'm posting directly at dreamwidth.

Re: Think of it like candy.

[feuervogel]

That's a very useful way of thinking of it! Thanks!

LJ's been showing up as malware for a lot of people recently. The most popular theories I've seen are a hidden ad or a malicious reporting of it to get it blocked (like the DDOSes).