Progress report

[feuervogel]

FOUR scenes edited today, +534, 89,337, 16 days left. There remain 6 or 7 scenes to revise, some of which need more work than others.

No one will understand this part, though, and that could be a problem.

Blackwell’s forehead creased. “Breach of contract is serious, as I’m sure you know.” His lips curled slightly. “I’m at a disadvantage. I don’t know which company has bested mine.”

“Das weißt du doch.”

The smug smile vanished at her insult. “You’re quite right. I do know who you are, Miss Hessian Security.”

I don't want to spend exposition on du vs sie, though I've already mentioned earlier on (repeatedly) that the native language of Hikaru and co is German, and said once that their security company is the only one that uses German. Non-German-speakers, what do you think?

I suppose I could say "her insulting use of the familiar/informal? 'you'" or something to that effect. In the past, I've indicated what language people are speaking by dialogue tags (s/he said in English/German/Turkish/Farsi, yes all of those), but this ... is different, obviously, and doesn't work in English. Argh.

Comments

[sabeth]

Even as a German speaker, I'd kind of want that clarification, tbh. I don't know how their relationship is set up, but it's not like the familiar form first and foremost signifies an insult to me, so even I'd probably be a bit confused as to what the insult actually was.

I like "her insulting use of the familiar 'you'" though. Sounds pretty smooth to me, and not overly explanatory.

[feuervogel]

Ah, good point. Though in the context of the scene, I hope that's clear (she's taken him prisoner). Will ponder the half a sentence of explanation.