feuervogel | Naming and shaming: Dennis Tengu

I don't know his actual last name, but Dennis Tengu attacked me before we left for Dragon Con on Thursday.

When Dennis and [a friend] arrived at my house, and Ben and I loaded the car, Dennis threw my luggage at me then proceeded to unleash a torrent of vitriol and swearing at me for no reason. He refused to say why he did that when I asked for an explanation. I had no idea why, and I said it wasn't like I'd even seen him in five years to give some sort of offense. He responded, "There's a reason for that." (I only ever saw him at COUP-related events, and I stopped going about 5 years ago.)

When we stopped at a rest area, he apparently told Ben (when Ben told him that his torrent of vitriol was completely uncalled for) that he did it to preemptively win the argument over who got to sit in the front seat. (Never mind that I get motion sick.) I can't remember what [friend] said he told her, but it was a little different than what he told Ben. (Possibly that he didn't want me to talk to him at all.)

Both Ben and [friend] told him that his actions were uncalled for. He showed no remorse and refuses to apologize or even say a word to me.

Dennis apparently does not consider me a human being who is worthy of respectful treatment. He is a sick, vile person; he has sociopathic tendencies. His actions fit an abuser's profile: he knows how to act around people who he wants to see him in a positive light, so that when he is horrific to someone, they don't believe that person or they defend him. They call it "drama" to stick up for you and make sure his actions have consequences [ie LOSING FRIENDS].

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I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Dennis sounds like an utter dick.

He absolutely is. It's a pity so many of my local friends subscribe to Geek Social Fallacy #1.

Yeah, humans are basically cowards when it comes to stuff like this that needs confronting, geek or otherwise.

As my wife said concisely this morning, "drama" is code for "I choose the abusive one because I perceive him as stronger."

I gotta agree with that. I'm sorry this nonsense happened and sincerely hope you don't need to deal with this individual again in the future.

Thanks.

I have no reason to expect to see him, since I told the person whose driveway he's going to park his "home" in (he lives in a fucking MPV for fuck's sake, and I think he slept in the car in the hotel garage all weekend) that I won't be there if Dennis is.

yeah I've not interacted w/him in many years but my general reaction has been that I feel at least a vague background discomfort when around him for reasons I can't always articulate. So I guess this isn't that surprising, sadly.

HWC shared a story with me in facebook comments about a time she and Dennis were just talking, and suddenly he started spouting rage and vitriol and sneering at her.

If only all three of our stories were enough to convince the people who are defending him/telling me I'm causing "drama" that Dennis is a fucking problem and needs to be ostracized. But no, that's Geek Social Fallacy #1, and you can't ostracize anyone. I am extremely disappointed in one of our mutual friends right now.

I am sorry this happened. He sounds and feels Wrong - mentally unbalanced.

*hugs*

He definitely is Wrong in some way. He doesn't want anyone to know where he parks the Mazda MPV he lives in. He lashes out at people for no reason (not that having a "reason" to lash out is justified), possibly because he wants the power trip of it. He projects this "ok if a little weird" demeanor to everyone else, so when someone reports him lashing out at them, other people don't believe it or say they're overreacting.

The other person in the car defended him when I said he has an abuser's profile by saying "he's got the profile of a weird hermit." Yeah, if the Unabomber is your model for that.

sorry i'm so late to this! what an asshole! i'm sorry this happened to you. and i'm sorry i don't really have anything useful to say...

WTF-F?! Ugghh. No. No. You don't have to take that shit, either!

THANK YOU. Ben agrees, and he thinks Dennis is basically a person who doesn't care at all about other people and has no empathy. (Which is a partial definition of a sociopath!)

Wait, you guys gave him a ride and didn't even know his last name? That's a weird social dynamic.

The unnamed friend was driving, and she agreed to drive him, because they know each other (her BF is friends with him). I've known (of) this guy for a long time, but I can't be sure I've ever heard his last name.

Though that's not the weirdest thing about him. He lives by choice in a Mazda MPV in an undisclosed location.

Make it clear you're taking a video of him next time he starts to lash out, especially if it's in public? This does sound like someone who is mentally ill and/or sociopathic as you said.

--Beth

Considering that I literally never see him, that isn't likely to be a thing I can do. I talked about this on facebook, and a friend said that Dennis once verbally abused her, and she avoided him after that.

What needs to happen, TBH, is that everybody who knows me and him needs to say that he was wrong, that I am a person who deserves respectful treatment, and that he is no longer welcome in their lives.

I am willing to cut anyone out of my life who disagrees, because choosing the side of no "drama" is choosing the side of the abuser.

Wow. I would not be in a car with someone who did that.
If the reason he gave Ben is valid, I wouldn't be within 500 ft of this person.
WTF.

If it had been up to me, he would have been walking back to North Carolina. Or taking Greyhound, I don't care. But [friend] was more interested in avoiding "drama" than showing Dennis he can't do shit like that without consequences.

I'm still really pissed off about that.

Is this the same guy who used to live in a mutual friend's driveway?

Yyyyyyyyup. And he is planning to move back to said driveway in the near future, now that Codependent Ex is gone. I told said friend about this attack and that I won't be at his house if Dennis is. He was surprised but understood. (This post is about 80% copy-paste from my email to him.)

This only confirms that Dennis knows exactly what he is doing when he attacks people, and who his victims are. If he'd attacked Dana, for example, Dave would cut him off (most likely; I'm assuming that a friend verbally assaulting your girlfriend with neither remorse nor apology means that person is no longer a friend). But I'm "safe" to attack, because he doesn't care about me or Ben, and he doesn't think that Dave or Dana do, either. (And, tbqfh, I don't think they do, because if they DID, Dana would have had him walk the fuck home yesterday. She's too concerned that *I*'m causing drama with this.)

Terrible behavior. No one should be treated that way. What an ass.

Thank you. I am really disappointed that people are defending him, telling me to "let it go" and "get over it." Would they be saying that if he'd walked up and punched me in the face?

I don't think they would have made it in the same car with me or my husband. :v

If I'd had any say in the matter, he would have walked back to Chapel Hill. As it was, I considered booking a last minute one-way flight home.

I don't really have any words for this. Just "wow." And something along the lines of "oh my god, I'm so sorry." I'm in shock.

Pretty much everyone's reaction. "I knew he could be mean and abrasive, but not outright vicious." If you go back a few days on Facebook, Heather shares how he turned vicious and aggressive during a casual conversation.

This guy is a problem, and he needs to be evicted from this social circle.

Oh my god that's terrible I hope he's arrested.

Naming and shaming: Dennis Tengu

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