feuervogel | I suck.

So I got the result of my first test in this class back. I passed, barely: 19.5/30 (passing is 19).

I don't know why I did so badly, and the office people won't explain why because it's a Leistungsergebnis and all I can do is read the commentary on my exam, which is shit like "read this section of the book again," and I'm just "Bitch, I was fucking LOOKING at that page when I wrote my answer, why the fuck do you think reading it again is going to help me one fucking bit?"

I've gone between upset-sad and upset-pissed about this so many times, and I'm convinced I'm just too fucking stupid to figure out their vague questions and imprecise definitions. (See also: become more familiar with the terminology and principles of interactive learning... The former isn't exactly well-defined (I had to go to fucking WIKIPEDIA for some shit), and the latter wasn't exactly in the book. So leck mich.))

I feel like I've wasted two thousand fucking dollars.

I need to do a practicum (in Germany, because I don't know of any sites here that meet their criteria), which means another thousand+ dollars for airfare, plus living expenses, plus any fucking fee the site charges.

And I can't learn the way they expect me to. I don't have the ability to guess what they're getting at, I've never taken a linguistics course, the way I learned grammar 20 years ago bears no resemblance to the things I'm reading in this text, and most vitally, I need much more precise, clear explanations of material.

Seriously. I read something, I understand it as far as what's in the text goes, and yay. Apparently I'm supposed to ~reflect~ on everything when I read it so I can teach myself? I don't fucking know.

I'm too fucking stupid to take this class. I can retake up to 3 of the exams (8 total). I'm not terribly hopeful that I can pass at least 4/7.

Fuck all this.