"You're standing on my foot." "I didn't mean to step on your foot." "But you did, and it hurts, please move your foot." "But I didn't mean it." "It still hurts, please move!" "But I don't mean to hurt you."

*Apply head to wall. You get to pick whose head.*

I have a friend like that. Some days I have the spoons to deal, other days I look at everything and go, "I am not up to this battle today. Sorry."

Ooh, pirates. Have you decided how to integrate them?