I'm amazed that you can still stand by this argument even when people have told you directly that using that kind of language is hurtful.

The proper reaction to being told that something you said was hurtful is "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. I won't do it again." I find it incomprehensible that you think the proper reaction is, "Well, I didn't mean it, so you shouldn't be hurt." You don't get to tell people what is hurtful and what isn't. That's not up to you.

Really, this is Courtesy 101.